] of a boy who was found on Tatooine by Qui-Gon Jinn. He believed everything he heard deep space pilots say, engaged in dangerous races in spacecraft he claimed to build, believed Jedi could never die, took strange men home with him, developed crushes
] on hot women twice his age, and was a slave- er- a person, and his name was Anakin.
After Qui-Gon used his force powers to cheat on a dice roll and then influenced the outcome of the race (how else could a kid who's never actually finished the race before WIN against the greatest racers in the galaxy?), Anakin was freed from his slavery
He was then taken from his mother (who had given birth to him without having slept with any man... YEEEEAAH RIIIIIGHT) to be trained as a Jedi
]. But apparently, ten was too old to be trained, so he was then taken into the middle of a war on some garden planet that everyone made a big stink about. He accidentally destroyed a Trade Federation ship which none of the elite pilots could get close to doing. Lucky bastard (no really, he was lucky, and he was the the illegitimate offspring of unmarried parents).
He was then taken as the Padawan of Obi-Wan Kenobi (who only trained him because it was the last wish of his dying master Qui-Gon Jinn).
It is important to note in this part of the story that one of Anakin's abilities to age ten years in the same time it takes Obi-Wan to grow a beard.
Both of them do just that while everyone else stays exactly the same.
Anakin resumes his attempted romance
] with the beautiful Padme, but is turned down as he was when he was ten. But she still had his plastic trinket he made for her! There was still hope!
So Anakin took her from the well-guarded facilities of the Coruscant capital to a primitive country-side where she was virtually unprotected. He did this for her protection of course.
While in the countryside, Anakin's feelings grew for her as her clothes began to become more revealing and tighter with each scene.
Anakin proceeded to say tons of corny crap and talk about dictators, all of which somehow swayed Padme in her feelings, so she began to love him.
Then he kissed her, and got pissed at her about it.
She refused to engage in sexual relations with him and he began whining.
Both then proceed to get captured on a planet across the galaxy, where they profess their undying love to one another right before their execution.
Padme gets cut perfectly across the middle by a rat monster in a way that reveals her bellybutton and abs just right, which completes her skin-tight outfit's appeal, coming close to rivaling Leia's bikini in Return of the Jedi
] (the right monster should become a Hollywood
] fashion designer); and Anakin loses an arm.
Both are married
Then Anakin turned to the dark side over one nightmare in which Padme dies. He did this in an attempt to save Padme, which is kind of ironic considering he later strangles her to near death (but don't worry, in a last minute revision, George Lucas
] decided that she should die of... lack of will to live? So Anakin's not to blame... apparently).
Anakin got fried after failing to beat his former master (which is kind of funny considering Anakin beat Count Dooku, who Obi-Wan had previously not coming close to even touching, in a minute as well as being the acclaimed 'most powerful Jedi').
I suppose it's cause Obi-Wan had the higher ground.
Anakin then became Darth Vader
], and went around blowing up planets.
"I want more, and I know I shouldn't! He's holding me back! No, he's not! He's a great mentor! Like a brother and a father! No, I hate him! He's jealous! He's evil! No, I love him!
I feel as if everything is going wrong!
My loyalty to the emperor and the council leave me feeling torn and conflicted!
Padme, kiss me, or I will feel neglected!"
Geez, man, will this guy ever quit whining?
Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader. Darth Vader is Luke's daddy.
Oh, and that's a spoiler.