Bruce willis was born on the moon before the dawn of time. He was the love child between chuck norris and a ninja. Over his life he has accomplished many tasks including going back in time to stop a time paradox from occuring, forming Pantera, and his acting career which he is most famous for. In his acting career he is most noted in the autobiography Die Hard. However they had to change his name from Bruce Willis to John Mclaine because if people knew that Bruce Willis actually pulled that shit off, their eyes would explode and they would piss out their liquified innards for months. Other real-life biographies include, Rambo 4, the Evil Dead series, every george romero movie that DOESN'T suck, and the star wars series as Darth Vader, except instead of being either a whiney kid or an emo teenager, he was actually a viking, and instead of Obi Wan kicking his ass, Bruce takes his lightsaber and gouges out both of his eyes, and force feeds them down his throat. Due to this change, instead of episodes IV, V, and VI being nothing but him chopping off baby heads and eating everyne like it was supposed to, it turned out to be a long, complex trilogy which still kicked ass but still should have been bruce willis eating people. However, George Lucas was in charge and he decided to go with his idea. Bruce Willis got pissed and kicked his ass so hard after episodes 1 2 and 3 came out that he sent him back in time 30 years and was forced to write episodes 4 5 and 6 back then instead.
It is common knowledge that every time Bruce Willis says "Yippee-kai-yay mother fucker," and emo gets sodomized with a jack hammer.
There are rumors that Bruce Willis created a sucky jazz album. However these accusations are false. He actually released the first version of Reign In Blood by Slayer, but it was decided that the album was so hardcore that people would die in gruesome ways upon hearing Bruce's kickass guitar playing, and thus hired the slayer we see today as the composers of the album. The sucky jazz album was actually just Kenny G trying to fuck up Bruce's career. Bruce is planning his immense ass-kicking as we speak.
Not to say Captain Kirk isn't cool. But bitch, Captain Picard has the X-Men on his side.
I cannot disclose information on the Tienanmen square protests, as the Chinese Government has censored all the media related to the incident.
What I CAN tell you is that one day, a group of people decided to protest- I mean have cake at Tienanmen square. They protested- I mean ate cake for 2 weeks when the military- I mean care bears came in to stop them from protesting- I mean join them in eating cake. However, in the process, many innocent people, protesters- I mean cake eaters, or innocent civilians were killed by the corrupted military- I mean hugged by the loving care-bears.
The Tiananmen square incident and the government's reaction to it is a perfect example of a corrupt government.
A phrase coined by Metallica
. It's logo includes a toilet with a knife sticking out of it.
Reporter- Do you have anything to say to the public?
Dave mustain- METAL UP YOUR ASS!!!
*Cut to metallica cheering and flipping off the camera*
Another example of a great comedian being absolutely ruined by 13 year olds constantly quoting his routine in an effort to be funny. Also see Dave Chappelle
13 year old: SILENCE! I KILL YOU!
Other guy: You know what the difference between you and Jeff Dunham is? You're not Jeff Dunham. So shut up.
While they are whored out by Hot Topic, and most of their fans are goth posers with tripp pants, they are actually a pretty good horror punk band.
When I say horror punk, don't expect horror punk along the lines of Misfits, which is typical rock driven by guitar, bass and drums. They are actually driven by synth drums, and two keyboardists that go by the pseudonyms Curtis RX, and Erik X, with Curtis doing vocals. Their name comes from a generic title for horror shows broadcast on local U.S. television stations throughout the 1960s, 70s and 80s.
They do a very good job of capturing the feeling old b-horror movies gave off. Their lyrics reflect such subject matters as Zombies (Aim For The Head), being buried alive (Buried Alive (duh)), and probably one of my favorite songs by them is Gorey Demise, which features a meeting of monsters going through the obituaries in alphabetical order.
Sadly, their image is being ruined, so many old school punk fans will call them posers, especially horror punk fans, and never give them a chance. But I encourage any fan of horror and punk to go and check them out. Their debut album was released a while ago. It is called "The Greatest Show Unearthed." Buy it, and keep an open mind.
Creature Feature aren't really over-rated, just whored out.
1. A legendary chant used to cheer on the even more legendary punk band, The Ramones.
2. What stupid posers who don't know who the Ramones are call "Blitzkrieg Bop."
1. HEY HO LET'S GO! FORMIN' IN A STRAIGHT LINE!
2. Poser: Hey, let's listen to "hey ho let's go" by the sex pistols!
Punk: *gives death stare*
*Poser gets SCROTUM KICK'D!*