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Mr. Cardboard's definitions

schlongs in thongs

An amusing way to refer to male transvestites and pre-op transexuals, in the same vein as other rhyming or alliterative means of alleviating the ridiculousness of encountering men who are so psychologically damaged that they believe they are actually women trapped in men's bodies, because no-one has bothered to explain to them that they have X and Y chromosomes whereas women have only X chromosomes, and that their assertion that they are female is therefore medically and scientifically impossible.

See also:
chicks with dicks, cocks in frocks, sluts with nuts, dames with dongs, women with wangs, girls with grapes, princesses with penises, mums with plums, lads in lingerie, gals with balls, boys with boobs
I have an annual subscription to Schlongs in Thongs.
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
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Widespread Panic

Any situation where you are legs and/or cheeks akimbo and feel sudden terror, for example:

- you are getting fucked by the gardener when your psychopathic mobster husband comes home early

- the shit you are taking is so wide, long and dry you fear it might split your ring open and/or drag out some colon with it

- two guys hold you bent over a table while a third kicks your legs open in preparation for the gang that's about to ass rape and possibly kill you

- the glass jar you put up your ass for a sexual thrill suddenly breaks under the pressure
Dude have you seen one guy, one jar? Now THAT'S widespread panic.
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
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bacon

The labia of the vagina.

Inner or outer and ranging in appearance from tiny and tidy, through streaky, to full medallions and at the extreme - pieces which someone has attempted to chew, choked on and had to be Heimliched and kept in hospital overnight as a precaution.
I was reading the Victoria's Secret catalogue trying to pick my favourite model, one of them was far more beautiful than the rest but you could tell she had excessive bacon and it made the process so much more taxing.
by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012
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drunkover

When you drink so much that instead of waking up with a hangover, you wake up still drunk.
"Hey can you give me a lift home?"

"Sorry sweetie but I'm still drunkover from last night. Why don't you give me a blowie so I can sleep it off?"
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
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chromosomes

Something that men have 24 kinds of whereas women have just 23. Although women have two X chromosomes while men have one X and one Y, one of the women's X chromosomes is "transcriptionally silent" i.e. completely inactive.

The Y chromosome is the sole distinguishing factor between men and women and therefore the home of the genes for rationality and abilities such as parking, understanding maps, inventing humourous jokes or indeed anything useful, using an ATM in 30 seconds or less and not turning into a blubbering mess when something trivial occurs, like a parent's death.
"Have you seen The Sarah Silverman Show? She is one funny ass chick!"

"Yeah but she's literally the ONLY one, makes me kinda suspicious about them chromosomes."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
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PA

Ponce: Schedule a meeting through my PA.

Human: PA?

Ponce: Personal Assistant.

Human: You mean your assistant?
by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011
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mousepraneense

To mispronounce a word or phrase.
A: "That's so banal."

B: "I think you are mousepraneenseing that word."
by Mr. Cardboard November 7, 2011
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