Mr. Cardboard's definitions
Cocktail - variant of the Bloody Mary.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
A large measure of 60% proof white Jamaican rum in a dirty glass, overfilled with tinned chopped tomatoes such that the juice runs down the outside of the glass onto the table. Stirred with index finger, spilling more of the contents.
Taste and immediately regret. Place on table and forget about for several minutes, then accidentally spill down the wall. Leave on wall for 3-5 years.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
Get the shipwreckmug. A spare parent. A parent you could quite easily manage without for the rest of your life.
Usually people have either one sparent, but ideally no sparents until the age of 18. After this age one ought to have two sparents, but may feel as if they still need at least one of their sparents.
The maximum number of sparents a person can have is 4, when one's parents have divorced and both remarried such that one has two actual parents and two step-parents, but all of them are useless and hence spare.
The minimum number is -2, i.e. one is an orphan, under the age of 18 who really needs two parents.
Usually people have either one sparent, but ideally no sparents until the age of 18. After this age one ought to have two sparents, but may feel as if they still need at least one of their sparents.
The maximum number of sparents a person can have is 4, when one's parents have divorced and both remarried such that one has two actual parents and two step-parents, but all of them are useless and hence spare.
The minimum number is -2, i.e. one is an orphan, under the age of 18 who really needs two parents.
by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011
Get the sparentmug. Untidy skin/flesh emanating from the ringpiece, giving it the appearance of chewed bacon. Usually as a result of overly aggressive anal sex but can equally be caused by prolapse or even be congenital.
Lord Asquith met Lady Jane at the Spring ball, and after months of wooing he finally came to court her. In time they were married and there was much rejoicing throughout the land. Alas on their wedding night he discovered she had anal bacon, rendering him impotent. He obtained an anullment later that week.
by Mr. Cardboard July 24, 2012
Get the anal baconmug. An emotion which, irrespective of whatever previous emotion you were feeling, instantaneously makes you feel like you are going to die, fills your entire body with adrenaline and sends your heart rate off the scale.
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
Fear was a very useful evolutionary advance for millions of years, keeping mankind one step ahead of predators and snakes and shit but unfortunately it still occurs in trivial situations, such as:
- when you lean back on your chair to the point it feels like it might suddenly tip over
- when you are eating food in the street and you almost drop a bit on the floor
- when you have been smoking weed with your bong buddies for a few hours and a group of very tall, charismatic people you haven't met before suddenly show up
- when your girlfriend almost discovers the stash of tranny porn you acquired years ago but completely forgot about...until right now
"Are you coming to the pub?"
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
"No man I got severely drunk in there last night and exposed myself to everyone. I can't face their accusing eyes until the fear goes away."
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the fearmug. Cocktail, also known as a bullseye. Consists of 50% red wine, 50% red bull, though more commonly red rooster is used instead of red bull as it is way cheaper.
The best fucking drink in the world to get fucked up on, but causing you to shout incoherently at traffic - hence the name.
The best fucking drink in the world to get fucked up on, but causing you to shout incoherently at traffic - hence the name.
Dude 1: Did you just pour red rooster into your wine?
Dude 2: Yeah, it's an angry tramp. Try some.
Dude 1: (tries drink) wow, that's fuckin awesome. Can I have one?
(2 hours later)
Dude 1: fuckin... CARS! I'll give you... somethin to beep about. Yeah BEEP BEEP. I remember, I was... This way? Yes.
Dude 2: Yeah, it's an angry tramp. Try some.
Dude 1: (tries drink) wow, that's fuckin awesome. Can I have one?
(2 hours later)
Dude 1: fuckin... CARS! I'll give you... somethin to beep about. Yeah BEEP BEEP. I remember, I was... This way? Yes.
by Mr. Cardboard November 6, 2011
Get the angry trampmug. An accidental theoretical construct in the brain of someone who is not paying full attention to the conversation.
Dude 1: I was in O'Neills last night and there was this gorgeous Irish chick in there.
Dude 2: What's an Irish chicken?
Dude 2: What's an Irish chicken?
by Mr. Cardboard November 8, 2011
Get the irish chickenmug. A bizzare expression used by some people to describe the small, square cushions placed on a couch to enhance it's comfort and aesthetics, as opposed to the larger cushions which form the seat and are hence integral to the couch.
They're not "couch pillows", they're CUSHIONS. Pillows are what you rest your head on while you sleep, cry into when you're a teenage girl or bite when you get fucked in the ass - but only when the aforementioned events happen IN BED.
They're not "couch pillows", they're CUSHIONS. Pillows are what you rest your head on while you sleep, cry into when you're a teenage girl or bite when you get fucked in the ass - but only when the aforementioned events happen IN BED.
From Step Brothers (2008):
Richard Jenkins: "Dale sleepwalks too."
Mary Steenburgen: "Are you kidding me?"
Richard Jenkins: "I'm not. Look in the oven."
Mary Steenburgen: "What's in the...couch pillows?"
Richard Jenkins: "Dale sleepwalks too."
Mary Steenburgen: "Are you kidding me?"
Richard Jenkins: "I'm not. Look in the oven."
Mary Steenburgen: "What's in the...couch pillows?"
by Mr. Cardboard October 30, 2011
Get the couch pillowsmug.