7 definitions by MissyM

Top Definition
Chav can be a noun, verb or an adjective. As in “you shitty scum chav”, or “Hey I like the way you have chavved up ya car/wardrobe/lifestyle/language” etc.

The origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. Nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. Chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current associations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. This factor however, could backfire, as Chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others.

The most recent example of a celebrity Chav is Kenzie in Big Brother. (I can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but I know it had the word “Crew” or “Squad” whatever, in the name). In fact, Kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the BB house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. Kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black.

Chavism represents a cultural link with the Trailer Park Trash in The States which is actually a sub-culture of black America. They both inspire each other. The lower the common denominator they appeal to, the cooler they are! Both of these cultural factions are represented by the highly evolved people picked to appear on the “Jerry Springer” show. Due to the speed of the transmission of information in modern times ex. Internet, TV etc, cultures very quickly pick up bits from other cultures, bounce off each other, and this happens at such a rate that no-one exactly knows who originated what. But as society has evolved, and that is the key word, “evolved”, chavism did not happen overnight but evolved as culture dumbed-down and it became clear that it was not “cool” to aspire to anything other than basic animal appetites (for junk food, sex, cheap bling etc). Perhaps devolved is a better word!

Jordan is the ultimate aspiration of female Chavs. She is actually much more stupid than the average Chavette which is why they (chavettes) admire her so much. She is actually now trying to pull herself out of the Chav-pit she has made for herself by writing a book about herself, no doubt mostly really ghost-written by someone else, paid for from the proceeds of all the modelling jobs she has done which evolve around her flubber-inflated chest (but isn’t she a great business woman- fuckin what?), and is trying to appear in “serious” programmes such as Book Award Ceremonies. Unfortunately, she is still seriously boring as she has neglected her mind in favour of her chest , hoping that the more silicone she has pumped into those tits, the more self-esteem and intelligenceshe will attain and therefore rather than work hard and learn, just go see the surgeon again. Easy!! Her tits have now become self-funding entities (get it?) in their own right.

So my good friends, that is my input.
Chavette 1 - I nikked dis 'ello mag from da doc's....it's got Jordan and Peter pics innnit!

Chavette 2 - wikked innit....didja get ya tablets sorted for dat smell cumming from ya minge?
by MissyM May 01, 2005
Fashionable adj. - fashion, noun - fashion, verb

Today this word seems to mean "anything that's too hideous and freaky to even wear on the catwalk - too freaky and garish for even Vivienne Westwood or John Galliano to contemplate showing".

It also means stuff that 5 years ago was being ignored in charity shops and jumble sales as being too frumpy and out-of-date.

Not so long ago, people would look at the shit that walked down the catwalk and just hang their mouth open cuz it was so godawful weird.(BTW - this definition almost exlusively applies to women of course. We were told, "oh the styles will be watered down before it gets to the shops for ordinary mortals to try to fucking figure out how to wear."
So by the time it got to the shops, it was almost unrecognisable as being associated with anything seen on the catwalk. But it would still be different enough to terrorise women into thinking that if they don't wear it, they won't look cool, or if they do wear it, they will look silly and foolish. What to do??

Of course, every season brings new colours and accessories, so that nothing goes with anything else you have bought in the last 6 months - oh how we just lamely accept and buy without question! Everything totally different so they make more and more money from these stupid people too dumb to figure out what the hell's going on, or if they are smart enough, to fucking apathetic to care and scared to look uncool.

This definition is quite extreme but most people will recognise this issue. Most are sensible enough to not obsess over their clothes as such, but there are many who do.

So, to get round this problem, these days the catwalk principle applies in reverse. You take any combination of items of clothing, the more they clash with each other the better (ex - red and green tartan jodpurs which gather at the waist, tucked into blue cowboy boots with gold effect, very wide crocodile belt, orange tank top with pink glitter edging, and a wooly hat in the shape of a cow's udder- I won't even get started on the accessories).

This way of dressing is in many ways a backlash to fashion fascism about what to wear with what etc. But it is becoming dangerously fashionable now meaning, "you can look like everything was thrown together by a colour blind myopic nerd, without thought or looking in a mirror, but it still has to look like constructed in a meticulous and well thought-out way but stil looks as if it was not".

Fashion obsessive "Oh my god I MUST find out where she got her outfit! It's so cool!"

"oh really? Where is this Salvation Army shop then? And hopefully it's very very expensive as I love paying a lot for shit that's made for nothing in sweat shops so that there is more profit for the men who design/own/run most of the fashion industry! Cool!"
by MissyM May 02, 2005
Commitment – this word, used in the context of an emotional relationship between a couple, in this case heterosexual, used to mean a man and woman professing undying L-O-V-E (spelled out so that the people who don’t recognise this word can look it up and know it’s not really a dirty 4-letter swear word, but some may think otherwise) between themselves and swearing that no man or woman would put asunder the connection between the two. (Translation - the man would not fuck around with another woman/women). This Love usually transpired in the bond of matrimony, but gradually has been accepted in a more casual and non-permanent relationship (which has actually caused the meaning of the word “Commitment” to be diluted and used very loosely but gimme a minute… I’m getting to that).

Currently, the word Commitment (also the word L_O_V_E , a word that some men have even been known to self-strangulate in an attempt to say i.e., lying to get laid for example) has absolutely no relevance to the male species. He may have verbally stated commitment to a woman long term and may have even said out-loud the L-O-V-E word, indeed they may even be cohabiting and sharing the ownership of property. Some very very strange males have even been known to marry a woman (this is very rare nowadays).

Even more strange is that the woman thinks that the circumstances mentioned above (marriage, cohabitation, and verbal statement, usually when drunk) makes it a cheat-proof certainty that her man will not go astray!

Well the truth is that while denial may be an emotional in-built survival mechanism, it does not hide the truth. (Please note that denial sometimes is mistaken for sheer stupidity and vice versa). Men have sex on a plate these days and a woman can do all that “Chef in the Kitchen, Whore in the Bedroom stuff, Toilet Scrubber in the Bathroom, Non-Controller of the TV Remote in the Lounge/Den (mostly it’s the Whore one), but you can betcha bootlicious hottie butt that there will be endless more tasty tempting lapdancetastic tartlettes awaitin to please your man in the vain hope that she/they will be able to steal him away and keep him from cheating on …..and so the cycle begins again ….ad infinitum ad nauseum as above.

Of course, men it has to reluctantly be said, are not stupid all of the time and they have realised that they don’t have to pretend to bounce from one easy free ho to the other any longer. They just keep the one at home who cooks and cleans for him, possibly still fucks him, and he looks for an endless supply of sluts by staying up late “working”, (fucking duh – there’s that fine line between denial and stupidity again) on the internet. This is done either by using adult chat rooms (this is quite a labor-intensive way of finding extracurricular Christian Aguilera dirrrrty sex) and a lot of men give up on this method, finally giving in to the more tried and tested, sure bet, good old fashioned method of paying a hooker. The internet is also a way of feeding his constant craving for penis stimulation i.e. porn and lots of it. Oh yes, porn is Soooo great for relationships!

To summarise: Commitment is a dinosaur word that has no meaning to anything whatsoever as relates to men and their view of women. However, a man will commit to love, honouring his car , no problem. (See other dinosaur words such as “Emotion”, “Feelings”, and “L_O_V_E”. Maybe you could play a game and find similar dinosaur words too! Have fun!
“Oh J Lo and Ben are sooooo happy. She has found the ideal formula (being perfect and famous and rich in her own right, and even learning strip-tease to keep Bennie boy at home away from da hoes down the strip club) for keeping a man. Oh and Jenn and Brad…such a golden happy couple! Jenn has also been such a role model for women to aspire to for lessons in how to find and keep a man. At last, our faith has been restored in L-O-V-E!! Happy Days!

Angelina who?

Shit….ok well uhhhhmmmmm…….. hmmmmmm
by MissyM May 06, 2005
The amount of men a girl has slept with.
girl 1: If you had to say, what is the total of your cockquest?
Girl 2: about 5 or 6
by missym December 14, 2014
Taken from the name of the band...meaning someone who is very boring, bland, uninteresting, unexciting, whiney and unimaginative, but whom everyone seems to like on the surface as it would be uncool not to like him.
Following the coldplayers like stupid herds of sheep cuz everyone else seems to be doing/liking something.
by MissyM May 06, 2005
Feminism is a word that has done a complete about-face in it’s history as a word, which has not been long. Originated in the era of the sixties when there was a general explosion culturally in music, drug-taking, awareness of ecology, questioning of authority, and rebelling against anything that was middle-class, capitalistic, white-male dominated and anything considered to hinder personal expressions of freedom.

Women at this time fought not for very long, for the right to not be portrayed in media as sexual objects, and not to be seen only as semen receptacles for men. They wanted to be taken seriously and not judged by what they looked like, but wanted culture to embrace women of all ages as they were, not what men wanted them to be, i.e. Barbie doll obedient blonde brainless bodies.

Unfortunately, the male-dominated media quickly established the potential for this trend to cut in to market forces which used female bodies/images to sell things.

So, the media really dug it’s heels in, playing on women’s most vulnerable insecurities, perpetuating myths about feminists being sad bra-burning butt-ugly, dykes, and after a time women, rather than carry on fighting and being seen as the media-defined feminist, just decided it’s easier to give in. In the early seventies, one TV program which started the ball rolling down this brainwashing exercise was “Charlies Angels” – oh girls yes, you can fight off murderers and survive extraordinary car-chases with not one hair out of place or any makeup smudged…AND have a flat stomach 24/7/365!! Hooray! The way women gave in though to media’s pressure on feminists, in the way women are very good at, is to go into denial about the whole issue, and accept the media hype that true feminism is really about validating yourself through what you look like and what men (and other women) think of your appearance. Whole industries thrive on this factor, cosmetic surgery, fashion, diet foods, psychotherapy, make-up, blah blah.

Women today are not only accepting this new definition, they are embracing it one hundred percent, emulating the likes of the original Barbie wannabe, Pammy A, Victoria Silvstedt etc (there are now just too fuckin many to mention). They are also bandying about the psychobabble term “body-image issues” accusing each other of bowing to media pressure, when in fact it’s no wonder that most women DO have issues around body-image. This is just another way of getting women to compete with each other and “keep them down”. Vast amounts of energy and money are spent on “shopping til you drop”, enhancing or re-defining bits of their bodies that don’t quite measure up to whoever or whatever the media is defining as “perfection”, learning how to lap-dance for their man, and this is all called “empowerment”, freedom and oh such fun! Really, it’s just another form of sexual slavery. Side-note: it is proven than women still earn less than men so where do they get the money? One interesting spin-off of this is that the BigBrother contestant Nadia (UK), who is a trans-sexual, paid for her boob job by being a prostitute. No one batted an eye-lid here about this. Perhaps it’s because she did it as a man, not a woman. Hmmm.

So to summarise, feminism originally meant freedom from being bound by male-dominated rules of sexual objectification, but today means just the opposite. To get anywhere as a woman, all along it’s been the same old story, it’s just been re-packaged and sold back to women where they are now not only the product, but the consumer. Wake up ladies.
OK I'll spend a fortune looking like your ultimate whore, but don't expect it for free....in fact, expect it to be very expensive. Alright? Cool.
by MissyM May 05, 2005
When a guy goes into graphic details of an ex female partner depicting her vagina to his friends.
Guy: So I was with this girl last night and we started some freaky shit. Guy2: yo bro I don't need to hear her vagina memoir.
by missym December 14, 2014

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