28 definitions by McCririck's unlucky Laundress
Noun: London police slang for a crummy dive in which unwitting male tourists are promised a good time with a hot babe. They must order a drink from these unlicenced premises but get charged hundreds of pounds for a soft drink. Victims are often frog-marched to cash machines by heavies. Needless to say, the babe doesn't provide any action, just sits there.
Drink your tea, were going to bust a near beer in Brewer Street.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?
The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
OK, Shall I grab a Transit van and 2 Serbo-Croat translators?
The Kinks classic 'Lola' is set in a near-beer.
I Met her in a club down in old Soho
Where they drink champagne and it tastes just like cherry-cola...
...Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lola.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 14, 2005
Adjective: Very rough, either literally, as in an unshaven gentleman's chin or figuratively as in uncivilised or things or behaviour.
"The people who moved in next door have parked their tarmac wagon across our drive again and stolen all the apples off our tree."
"Good gracious, they're as rough as a badger's arse."
"Good gracious, they're as rough as a badger's arse."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 22, 2005
Chocolate Police (noun) Governing force to regulate and prevent the consumption of chocolate. Resides within the super-ego of the human subconscious. Singles out women and attacks them viciously, using guilt as a weapon. More likely to punish after the crime than to deter beforehand.
At the supermarket in the confectionery aisle:
Unknown shopper: - Shuffle -
Nancy (turning, sharply; dropping jumbo bar of Cadbury’s): “Ohh!!!”
Unknown shopper: “Errr… are you alright?”
Nancy: “Sorry. I thought you were the Chocolate Police.”
Later, in the car:
Mikey: “You’ll be sorry later on.”
Nancy: “Shut up.” - Chomp - “Just let me enjoy it.” - Slurp -
Mikey: “The Chocolate Police will get you.”
Nancy: “I know.” - Munch - “I’ll deal with them later. Mmmm!”
Unknown shopper: - Shuffle -
Nancy (turning, sharply; dropping jumbo bar of Cadbury’s): “Ohh!!!”
Unknown shopper: “Errr… are you alright?”
Nancy: “Sorry. I thought you were the Chocolate Police.”
Later, in the car:
Mikey: “You’ll be sorry later on.”
Nancy: “Shut up.” - Chomp - “Just let me enjoy it.” - Slurp -
Mikey: “The Chocolate Police will get you.”
Nancy: “I know.” - Munch - “I’ll deal with them later. Mmmm!”
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress July 16, 2008
Nickname or term of abuse for a person with ginger hair. Comes from the 1980s UK TV advert "Duracell, with the copper-coloured top: no ordinary battery looks like it or lasts like it."
Oi! Duracell, you are intrinsically unattractive. How did your ginger, freckled ancestor ever succeed in passing on their genes?
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 15, 2005
Noun: Short form of 'off licence'.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
A British pub has an 'on' licence (licenced to sell intoxicating liquor for consumption ON the premises). They used to also have a little hatch where you could buy drink to take away and this had an 'off' licence. All such purchases had to be consumed off the premises.
Nowadays Britons buy their take-out booze in a shop which is unconnected to any pub. These shops have to apply for the same 'off licences' from local magistrates and have retained the name.
Look at the time! It's wifebeater o'clock. Should I go and drink sociably and responsibly with mature friends in the pub and then return home in a quiet, orderly fashion without vandalising or vomiting; or shall I go down the offie and buy some dangerous-looking lager, go home and get wankered - all sorry and lonesome; vandalise my own home and vomit in every room?
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 16, 2005
"God! Is that the time? Got to get to the shop and pay my stupidity tax."
"You'd be better off putting it on the 2nd favourite of the first horse race of every Saturday; buying premium bonds or even sticking the pound coins in a biscuit tin under the bed."
"I know, I know but I've been playing these same numbers for years now and if they came up I'd kick myself."
"I logged on to this website that explained how Lotto is a big swindle controlled by Freemasons who are anti-gambling and the number ball machine is rigged to give certain numbers."
"AAAGH! You bastard! You've made me late now! You wait, I bet my bloody numbers come up."
"You'd be better off putting it on the 2nd favourite of the first horse race of every Saturday; buying premium bonds or even sticking the pound coins in a biscuit tin under the bed."
"I know, I know but I've been playing these same numbers for years now and if they came up I'd kick myself."
"I logged on to this website that explained how Lotto is a big swindle controlled by Freemasons who are anti-gambling and the number ball machine is rigged to give certain numbers."
"AAAGH! You bastard! You've made me late now! You wait, I bet my bloody numbers come up."
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 14, 2005
Proper noun: Pretentious form of Colliers Wood, a naff suburb of south west London. Pronounced with a perfect French accent (bwa de coll-yay) and used in a mocking way about people who live there and overrate the place. See also Croùch End, Battercia, Pengé.
"You're from Wimbledon? My English friend lives in Bois de Colliers! Maybe you know her."
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.
"Actually, I never mix with fatuous, social-climbing champagne socialists.
by McCririck's unlucky Laundress September 21, 2005