7 definitions by JonasOfToronto

Top Definition
A space-opera fairy tale apparently believed by otherwise mentally-functioning adults, and which was simply made up by L. Ron Hubbard who famously proclaimed:

"if you want to make a million dollars, start a religion!" The Church of Scientology was born.

Remarkably, "Scientology" is banned in Germany because even those very contrite Germans don't have to take THAT degree of bullshit.

Ron L Hubbard maybe did not specifically mention kissing major celebrity ass to attract lots of gullible people to "Scientology". But all that Celebrity ass-kissing works really well for sucking in the 'recruits' - new members who are then systematically brainwashed, exploited and have their entire lives controlled, cult-style.

Also you may not know of Ronnie's "faithful" members causing stupid harm other members' lives if such member comes to their senses and try to get OUT of Sci-fi 'tology.

You can go debunk "Scientology" right now on the website Operation Clambake:

www.http://www.xenu.net/

... unless you happen to already BE a 'Scientologist' in which case you are given a special COS web browser that blocks out all reality from your computer screen.
I suspected my date was a little off in the head until she said she was "into Scientology just like Will Smith" at which point I pretended to go to the washroom and went home.
by JonasOfToronto April 29, 2009
The female (semi)equivalent of a man being "Metrosexual." A cosmosexual woman interacts with men and life primarily for momentary 'high-status' ego gratification, and not real relationship. Exemplified by women's 'power image' magazines such as Cosmo and Vogue.
My date Friday was so cosmosexual about her corporate identity, it seemed like talking to a man - she was too much in her head to relax, be herself and flirt with me
by JonasOfToronto December 09, 2008
Information uncritically believed followed and quoted exactly as read on Twitter.
I brought home a trunk full of beef before I realized the impending meat strike was was only word of Twit.
by JonasOfToronto May 27, 2009
A cheap-minded rip-off, usually when the customer steals more work than they are paying for by acting like the extra work is just part of someone's job.
Sweetheart, making that cab driver bring the bags eighty-seven steps up to the Mexican villa without a tip wasn't nice, it was a cheap-off.
by JonasOfToronto April 22, 2009
1) One who is a drinker of rare, fine and expensive beer who obsessively hovers around pale lager drinkers, to cast disparaging looks and grate on them with supercilious remarks. He has little real life and few friends, flies out to Dark Lord Day, and never drinks the same beer more than once.

2) A sensible person who is not content to just swill his head in a bucket of Miller or Coors Lite as a victim of advertising, personal gullibility and total lack of imagination or taste.

3) A reasonably balanced person who enjoys drinking, collecting and trading well-made beer, and who likes being social with others who share these and other, wider interests. Is sometimes keen on beer festivals, events, trades and bottle sharings, while creating social bonds with others who share his or her passionate hobby.
1) The greasy-looking Beer Geek paraded around his chalice of "Weasel Poop Bourbon Stout" and simpered at all the guests drinking pale lagers.

2) Due to the extremely high radon content in the bad shipment of pale lager everyone died except Tim the Beer Geek.

3) Tina met her fiancée Tim on Facebook after a mutual friend told her he was a Beer Geek and Maiden fan, just like her.
by JonasOfToronto May 07, 2009
Derived from Yonah (Hebrew meaning "Dove" or Sign of God, and also means 'The Doer') and translated through the Greek Ionas to the present Jonas. The Lithuanian name Jonas was independently derived from the name 'John' which means either a client of prostitutes or a device you sit on to crap.

Also a namesake book in the old testament depicting a prophet's involuntary ingurgitation by gigantic marine wildlife as part of a divine motivational technique program.

Also a reason for screaming adolescent girls to wet their drawers, and for lame rock bands to write mediocre songs in sappy 3/4 time signatures.
(The Doer) "You see that girl, I'd like to Jonas."
(The Dove) (In the shower( "Honey, do we have another bar of Jonas under the sink?"
(Sign of God) "I neglected to read the Jonas on the freeway and missed my exit to the Billy Graham talk."
by JonasOfToronto April 29, 2009
Euphemism - an insidious guilt-trip placed on everyone so that reasonable people are afraid to say what everybody thinks.

Due to our society's delusional concept "Political Correctness" people are afraid to say completely reasonable things for fear of eliciting anyone's knee-jerk persecution. As a consequence we live in a social climate of mental stupor, hypocrisy and complete verbal confusion which even allows the unjust persecution of reasonable people by those of quite low moral or intellectual character.

Basically with PC we've been mind-fucked out of our individual power and freedom due to our society's excessively rigid and poorly-conceived attempt to protect individuals.
Dr. Brent always believed drug addicts were unreliable, but he couldn't fire the recovering cocaine user from his surgical team until he had a politically correct reason to do so.
by JonasOfToronto April 29, 2009

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