4 definitions by JPaps
A layer of toilet paper (usually somewhere between 3 and 8 pieces) laid down on the surface of water within the toilet bowl before one has a bowel movement. This layer of toilet paper, or ‘landing pad’, serves a 3-fold purpose: (1) To prevent the dreaded splashback effect caused by the fecal displacement of water; (2) To soften the “KER-PLUNK!” sound that often occurs when feces breaks the surface tension of the water (this is particularly effective because the toilet paper disables the properties of water’s surface tension by acting as a semi-permeable membrane, a sort of dampening medium between water and air; further, the speed of the displacement of the water is lessened, which makes for a much softer noise); and (3) To bring about an awareness of the TP supply before use, negating any chance that one might have a bowel movement, only to look over and notice that there is no toilet paper.
Johnny: "Dude, I went to meet my girlfriend's parents for the first time last night. Halfway through the night I realised that I needed to take a massive dump, which was uncomfortable because the bathroom was next to the living room where they were sitting, and the house was dead quiet"
Billy: "No way, man... what did you do?"
Johnny: "I built a wicked landing pad, so not only did they not hear me, but I was also able to stay as dry as a cracker for the whole experience. What a night it was!"
Billy: "No way, man... what did you do?"
Johnny: "I built a wicked landing pad, so not only did they not hear me, but I was also able to stay as dry as a cracker for the whole experience. What a night it was!"
by JPaps January 8, 2011
A Filterblast is a drag (puff, pull, toke, etc.) that is taken from any rolled tobacco product (with a built-in filter; i.e. Cigarettes, Cigarillos) that has burned too close to the filter. The filter of most rolled tobacco products is made from fiberglass and, while fiberglass serves as a good tobacco filter, it is certainly not meant to be inhaled into human lungs. The effects of a Filterblast are unmistakable -an immediate semi-constriction of the upper esophageal sphincter, an unpleasant burning sensation throughout the lungs, and, in some cases, harsh coughing.
A Filterblast usually occurs for at least one of the following reasons: a) The Filterblasting individual in question is low on tobacco and desires to make use of every last bit of their supply, thus causing them to take that last regrettable drag that burns up part of the filter; b) The individual is intoxicated and is unaware of the fact that the cherry on their tobacco product has burned so close to the filter.
A Filterblast usually occurs for at least one of the following reasons: a) The Filterblasting individual in question is low on tobacco and desires to make use of every last bit of their supply, thus causing them to take that last regrettable drag that burns up part of the filter; b) The individual is intoxicated and is unaware of the fact that the cherry on their tobacco product has burned so close to the filter.
a) Glancing at the single cigarette left in his pack, Johnny wonders how he will make his tobacco supply last until tomorrow's payday. Sizing up the burning cigarette in his hand, he wonders if he can get one last drag out of it so that he can hold off on lighting his last one for a while. Toking his cigarette, he quickly pulls it away from his lips and starts to choke. Johnny has clearly made a bad judgment call, as his final toke turned out to be a Filterblast.
b) Stumbling back to the bonfire at a bush party, Billy takes a long pull on his cigarette. Upon inhaling, his chest seizes up and he begins to cough. It is at this point that he realizes that he has just taken a Filterblast.
b) Stumbling back to the bonfire at a bush party, Billy takes a long pull on his cigarette. Upon inhaling, his chest seizes up and he begins to cough. It is at this point that he realizes that he has just taken a Filterblast.
by JPaps December 17, 2011
A small, grungy town in northern Alberta which is known for its gratuitous amounts of narcotics, trampy women, constant gusting winds that turn a nice, sunny day into a miserable one and, most importantly, its giant beaver statue.
People will only ever live in Beaverlodge for one of two reasons: (1) to make money (which is generally in abundance because nobody actually wants to be there) or (2) because they're too poor to leave. This often occurs because people are bored and resort to narcotics for recreational purposes.
While utterly depressing and generally the most uninteresting place you'll ever see, the few people who are able to maintain a relatively healthy level of sanity while living in Beaverlodge are able to do so through the enactment of downward social comparison, i.e. comparing themselves to the people of Wembley, Horse Lake, and Hythe -neighbouring communities.
People will only ever live in Beaverlodge for one of two reasons: (1) to make money (which is generally in abundance because nobody actually wants to be there) or (2) because they're too poor to leave. This often occurs because people are bored and resort to narcotics for recreational purposes.
While utterly depressing and generally the most uninteresting place you'll ever see, the few people who are able to maintain a relatively healthy level of sanity while living in Beaverlodge are able to do so through the enactment of downward social comparison, i.e. comparing themselves to the people of Wembley, Horse Lake, and Hythe -neighbouring communities.
Beaverlodgian: "Oh... My... Gosh... I hate my life. I think I'll go end it upon that needlessly ugly giant beaver statue".
*A Wemblian, Horse-Laker, and a Hythian walk by*
Beaverlodgian: "Well, I guess Beaverlodge isn't THAT bad... Maybe I'll just go snort some coke instead"
*A Wemblian, Horse-Laker, and a Hythian walk by*
Beaverlodgian: "Well, I guess Beaverlodge isn't THAT bad... Maybe I'll just go snort some coke instead"
by JPaps December 20, 2010
TP Karma is the resulting action from a person's decision that they are faced with upon using the last of the toilet paper. A person can either: a) replace the toilet paper, thus saving the next person the potential horror of being without, or b) leave it empty, selfishly moving on with your day.
If they choose the honorable decision 'A', the next time they stumble into a bathroom and the TP is all gone, they will immediately take note of it before going to the bathroom. Should the person make sinister decision 'B', then the next time they go into a bathroom without TP, they will carelessly plop down disregarding the supply (or lackthereof) of TP, not realizing until it is far too late to turn back.
If they choose the honorable decision 'A', the next time they stumble into a bathroom and the TP is all gone, they will immediately take note of it before going to the bathroom. Should the person make sinister decision 'B', then the next time they go into a bathroom without TP, they will carelessly plop down disregarding the supply (or lackthereof) of TP, not realizing until it is far too late to turn back.
a) After using the last of the roll, Joe lovingly replaces the empty roll with a fresh one. Later that day, Joe goes into a bathroom and sits down on a toilet, when all of the sudden his subconscience flashes: "Quick! Before you release, check the TP supply!" Joe turns his head only to find that it is empty. Luckily, he hasn't released yet, so he is able to comfortably walk out and grab a fresh roll.
b) After using the last of the roll, Suzanne walks out of the bathroom, thinking: "Whatever. The next person can get it". Later that day, Suzanne's intense diarrhea flares up, and she makes a beeline for the bathroom. Barely making it in on time, Suzanne pays no attention to the sparse TP reserves in the bathroom stall. When ready to wipe, Suzanne's eyes fix on the depleted roll of TP. It is then that Suzanne realizes that her bad TP Karma has caught up with her.
b) After using the last of the roll, Suzanne walks out of the bathroom, thinking: "Whatever. The next person can get it". Later that day, Suzanne's intense diarrhea flares up, and she makes a beeline for the bathroom. Barely making it in on time, Suzanne pays no attention to the sparse TP reserves in the bathroom stall. When ready to wipe, Suzanne's eyes fix on the depleted roll of TP. It is then that Suzanne realizes that her bad TP Karma has caught up with her.
by JPaps February 26, 2010