Thousands of years
ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him, there was Sir Santa of Claus, an ape-like
creature making crude and pointless toys
out of mammoth bones and his own waste. Hurling them
at chimp like creatures with crinkled hands, regardless of how they behaved
year. These so called toys
were buried as witches and defecated upon and hurled at predators that were awoken by the searing grunts of their
children. It wasn't a holly-jolly Christmas that year, for many were killed...
A warlike race of elves from
the tenth planet landed on the ice-encased Earth and were immeadiatly enslaved by the unevolved Santa-ape
to make his toys
using galatic elven technology. For ever more fancier models, toys
into recognizable shapes and given names like "train." But these toys
were also thrown
at predators and defecated upon because they
were so stupid, Christmas still sucked in a big way.
Now he is a machine.