It's a feeling you can never understand until you experience it. It is a constant pain and discomfort that you struggle with all day. It is a sickness in your stomach and a knot in your throat. It is when eating becomes a battle to swallow and falling asleep becomes inconceivable. It is unrequited love. It is the loss of someone you love. It feels like you lost apart of who you are. You fight with yourself, trying to convince yourself you are fine. It's a constant swing in your emotions. Some moment are better than others. Sometimes you think it is almost over, but then, just as suddenly you are overwhelmed with a paralyzing pain that forces you stop and rest for a moment. You are always thinking about the other person. Imagining how happy they are, while you are barely hanging on. You think about how they have forgotten about you... How could it have been so easy for them. How could they have said they cared about you, but moved on you so effortlessly. You wonder, "how could you do this... How could you say you care about me and be so careless with your words and actions?" Soon these thoughts turn to anger. Anger that you use to get you through the day. Anger is what blocks out the saddness. Hate is the only escape from the saddness you are overwhelmed by. Unfortunately, the hate is only temporary. When it eats away at you until there is nothing left, you are back to where you started. Thinking about them, and how alone you are. Now you are left to cry, either on the inside or out, and making promises to yourself that you will never let this happen again.
She was reckless with her words... Part of you thinks she said was she said, and did what she did, because she loved what you gave her. She did what she had to do to make sure you kept giving her love... even if that ment building you up and leaving you heart broken.
January 21, 2007