FigurinOutLife's definitions

black hole

Apparently in the black community, this is a racist term because it has the word "black" in it without any words of praise surrounding it. Because of its political incorrectness, please note that it has now been renamed an African American Quantum Singularity.

John Wiley Price, the Mayor of Dallas and a black judge recently were offended and demanded an apology (no, I'm not making this up) for a white councilman referring to the traffic office as a "black hole" where paperwork is sent and never seen again. "How would you like it if I called it a 'white hole'?" Mr. Wiley-Price immediately retorted. Next on the list: Blackjack, Blackberry and Blackbird.

by FigurinOutLife October 5, 2008

Stimulus Package

A bill passed in 2009 with the underlying premise that we can borrow money, spend it, and it will make us all richer by "stimulating" the economy such that we can pay it all back and more.

The bill's official name is the "American Recovery and Reinvestment Act (ARRA)", which was a forced compromise between the Democrats who wanted to call it the "You Have to Print Money to Make Money Act" and the Republicans who wanted to call it the "Screw our Children with Massive Debt Act"

Reporter: "President Obama, with unemployment continuing to rise, how do you know that this Stimulus Package is even working?"
Obama: "Because without it, job loss would have been far worse and the economy even more depressed."
Reporter: "Wait, how could you possibly know that?"
Obama: "I have a team of people with impressive credentials that told me so after I told them I didn't like their first answer and to give me another answer or be fired"
Reporter: "But, if we can really 'stimulate' our economy by borrowing future earnings and spending it now, wouldn't it just make sense to do this constantly so that our economy is always 'stimulated' and we all become filthy rich?"
Obama: "I like this reporter - Rahm, add him to my cabinet"
Rahm Emanuel: "Uh, sir, I think he's being sarcastic..."

by FigurinOutLife June 29, 2009

intelligent design

An apparently unprovable hypothesis that living creatures were created by an all-powerful, intelligent entity that itself did not have a creator. Contrast with evolution. ID proponents typically fail to understand 4 things:

1) Scientists use the word "theory" differently than the layperson
2) Science operates just fine in the absence of absolute truths. Thus, if evolutionary theory doesn't explain everything, that's not a problem - it's a "work in progress"
3) People are no better off substituting a slightly imperfect scientific theory for a completely unsupported religious hypothesis
4) The fact that ID cannot be disproven is a weakness, not a strength (e.g. There are 482,331 raisins orbiting Saturn right now... I defy you to prove me wrong).

If Intelligent Design is such a great alternative explanation to evolutionary theory, why aren't proponents actually USING it to advance scientific understanding? In short, they should practice what they preach... literally.

by FigurinOutLife September 29, 2005

tolerance

1) Tolerance (active): The idea that one should attempt to overcome a belief, prejudice or hatred that they hold.
2) Tolerance (passive): The process by which one gradually become less and less bothered by another belief, prejudice or hatred due to continued exposure.
3) Tolerance (liberal): What the majority should have towards minorities, but not vice versa

1) "Bigots" lack tolerance or appreciation of our people, which makes them despicable
2) Bigots would have more tolerance if they just hung around more of our people
3) Those damn, horrible hateful bigots should all be shot dead by us tolerant, peace-loving non-bigots... um, as a service to society, of course.

by FigurinOutLife September 28, 2005

omorosa factor

A slang term for the degree of risk white employers take when hiring black employees. It was coined in honor of a black female contestant on a reality show called "The Apprentice" who had very little value as an employee and an infamous ability to irritate all those around her. She wore her race and gender on her sleeve, using them to bait or bash other contestants on the show. When "fired" from the show, she immediately accused the cast members of calling her a "nigger" and of racial antagonism during the show. She received a lot of media attention, as those who play the race card usually do, and despite her lack of credibility (e.g. she *forgot* who it was that called her a "nigger", whether or not anyone else was around, when it happened, and why the cameras didn't catch it), she was invited back to the show. Thus demonstrating that there is a penalty for those called a racist, but not for those who call others a racist and are proven to be liars.

Companies fear hiring people like Omorosa. People who sell themselves very strongly, display up-front confidence and have a suitable resume, yet in the end offer no value to the company as an employee, create an environment of conflict and hatred among other employees, and is a walking time bomb waiting to scream "racism" or "sexism" the moment something doesn't go their way (e.g. denied a raise, promotion, or is fired).

The Omorosa factor is a value that ranges from zero (no risk) to one (the employee is actually Omorosa herself). It is used to multiply another value called the O-cost, which is typically a fixed percentage of the company's value. This is amount that will normally be sued for. Multiplying the two gives a company an idea of how much risk they are taking on by hiring the employee.

Subordinate: "Sir, management wants to increase diversity in our department. Perhaps we should give extra weight to minority applicants."
Manager: "Agreed. We can kill two birds with one stone by hiring a black woman, that way we get gender and race at the same time. Do we have any that are handicapped or veterans as well? That would be the best!"
Subordinate: "No, sir, just this one black woman is on the list: Jawanda. She seems fairly qualified."
Manager: "Invite her in."
Jawanda: "I am a strong, black woman from the Bronx and I will kick ass in this white male-dominated field."
Manager: "Sorry, your Omorosa factor is too high. Next..."

by FigurinOutLife September 22, 2005

blackmail

Blackmail refers to a situation that arises when a person threatens another person with some form of punishment if they do not offer some form of concessions. Blackmail is usually the result of one person somehow obtaining embarassing information about another and threatening to disclose it unless some form of payment (money or favors) is offered. The term originates from the words "black" and "mail", which referred to the dark or threatening nature of the letters (mail) that were received detailing the threat. Although blackmail usually entails paying a price to obtain another person's silence about an embarassing situation, it need not involve an actual event before it can be conducted. The threat of embarassing someone for a contrived event can be enough to conduct blackmail effectively, provided the threat is believable.

Jesse Jackson's Rainbow/PUSH Coalition frequently tells companies that if they do not donate to their cause and hire their members, they will accuse them of racism and organize commerce-damaging protests. Whether any racism exists or not, the threat of income loss and negative publicity is enough to extract blackmail money.

by FigurinOutLife March 24, 2004

victimhood

Noun. A coveted status sought after by liberals. Victimhood implies that one or more victims are due some form of compensation from one or more offenders. The sought-after compensation is typically economic such as money, jobs, promotions, awards or opportunities such as college admissions. Intangible compensation is often a secondary consideration and usually not directly related to the offense in question, such as the displacement of blame for general achievement failures.

"You can't repeal affirmative action! What about all those blacks that suffered under slavery?!?"

by FigurinOutLife March 19, 2004