330 definitions by Fearman
An Oxfam shyster is someone who tries to get a further discount in a charity shop (which may or may not be a branch of Oxfam) or who attempts to use the shop as a rubbish bin. Typical tactics include yelling, "I want to donate these, thank you!", leaving a large bag of (say) books at the counter and scooting out the door. Closer examination reveals a single layer of halfway good books (or just covers) overlying a mass of unsaleable and often physically unreadable mulch. The shop is left to discard the mulch because the Oxfam shyster couldn't bother their pretty little fat white arse to take the stuff to the dump themselves. Unlike the private citizen, the shop, being a charity, is (at least under Irish/EU law, dunno about America) obliged to pay a heavy charge on recycling, but who cares? As long as the Oxfam shyster gets their narcissistic business over and done with, that's fine with them, they're all right, Jack, and that's all that matters.
Another tactic is demanding a further discount off already rock-bottom prices because they need the money for something else. Food for the kids, petrol to get home, tins of dog or cat food, you name it. This is typically preceded by a pretense that they can't read price tags, and accompanied by an attempt to make it look like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths by saying they don't want the goods for themselves, but for a kid/relative/whatever who might need the info at a difficult time. Listen, love, if you need more money for petrol but can't afford the extra price of a cheeseburger, have you considered cycling?
Oxfam shysters can be of any age or either gender, but they tend to be elderly women more often than not, probably because this is the slice of the demographic best able to pull off the loveably-gaga routine, while at the same time being least likely to get a richly deserved kick in the toothless jawbone from the sort of well-meaning sucker who is likely to be running the shop. Beware the Oxfam shyster.
Another tactic is demanding a further discount off already rock-bottom prices because they need the money for something else. Food for the kids, petrol to get home, tins of dog or cat food, you name it. This is typically preceded by a pretense that they can't read price tags, and accompanied by an attempt to make it look like butter wouldn't melt in their mouths by saying they don't want the goods for themselves, but for a kid/relative/whatever who might need the info at a difficult time. Listen, love, if you need more money for petrol but can't afford the extra price of a cheeseburger, have you considered cycling?
Oxfam shysters can be of any age or either gender, but they tend to be elderly women more often than not, probably because this is the slice of the demographic best able to pull off the loveably-gaga routine, while at the same time being least likely to get a richly deserved kick in the toothless jawbone from the sort of well-meaning sucker who is likely to be running the shop. Beware the Oxfam shyster.
An Oxfam shyster is the lowest of the low.
by Fearman February 1, 2008
Someone who looks down their nose on those more wealthy, simply because they are more wealthy. Inverted snobs staunchly refuse to recognise that their form of snobbery is every bit as superficial and silly as the other kind ... the only difference is, the inverted variety helps keep its adherents down on the bread line.
Don't expect to find Mary in one of the better pubs. She's an inverted snob. She'd rather have cheap beer and mould any day of the week.
by Fearman October 15, 2007
May be abbreiviated as "Amish". Something incredibly stupid that occurs to spoil an otherwise perfect situation. After an Amish custom of leaving deliberate skips in the pattern of quilts, lest a perfect design make the Almighty jealous.
When we drove to Scotland for the weekend, my forgetting to fill the tank before going about the Highlands was the Amish mistake of the outing.
by Fearman August 6, 2007
Vast entity seeking to re-enter the stream of terrestrial time-space, as revealed in the visionary works of H. P. Lovecraft. Gibbous, vast, eldritch, gibbering, and infinitely rebulbulous in his extra-terrestrial physics and non-Euclidean geometry. His feelers extend to all the best dinner parties where the unsuspecting taste him in the wine, rip off their clothes and expose the darkest secrets of their splenetic nightmares. The best friend of necrotic occultists everywhere. His friends all call him "Percy". Will sign copies of the Necronomicon for free, with heart-felt dedications ... if you dare look him in his extra-cosmic face.
Chthulhu ... the master of ectopic time.
by Fearman August 25, 2007
The anthropomorphic rabbit in Richard Kelly's first directed feature film, Donnie Darko. Frank is played in the movie by James Duval. Think three parts Harvey to two parts Darth Vader. Frank knows so many things, including when the world will end.
Some Frank quotes:
"Twenty-eight days, six hours, forty-two minutes and twelve seconds. That is when the world will end." (Note; the numbers add up to eighty-eight. The movie is set in the year 1988. Also the movie was filmed over twenty-eight days. Make of it what you like.)
"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"
"Twenty-eight days, six hours, forty-two minutes and twelve seconds. That is when the world will end." (Note; the numbers add up to eighty-eight. The movie is set in the year 1988. Also the movie was filmed over twenty-eight days. Make of it what you like.)
"Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?"
by Fearman February 24, 2008
After the latest adventure by the Bush and company, Joe's opinion of the United States government hit rock bottom and commenced vigorous drilling.
by Fearman August 6, 2007
Born Timothy Dexter. Classic narcissist. Reformed alcoholic and drug addict, might not have entirely straightened out. Claimed, without verification, to have been the theoretical second choice for the role of Woody Harrelson's character, "Woody" Boyd, in Cheers. Became a wacky pseudo-environmentalist wingnutscrewballsup who travelled to Alaska from round about 1990 to his death in 2003 to try to get ... close to ... bears. Documented his exploits on videocam, some of said footage making the guts of Werner Hertzog's biopic "Grizzly Man". Ended up doing a Michael Jackson impression over steaming bear shit. Came to believe he was the bears' last good hope, and started ranting on-camera against the wildlife service, humanity in general, et cetera.
In the autumn of 2003 he tried heading back south to be with his family or other friends; at the airport he got into a towering rage with somebody and failed to board the plane, instead returning to the Alaskan lake shore where he had spent the summer. Unfortunately and despite his assumed name, in so doing he didn't tread very well at all. In the meantime his favourite bear clan had all gone into hibernation and another group had moved in to time-share the place, where a few weeks later Treadwell was reminded of the six basic relationships an animal species may have with other animals in the wild: you ignore it, it picks off your parasites, you pick off its parasites, you fuck it, you eat it, it eats you. This list included the last option, and unfortunately he had taken his latest girlfriend along for the ride as well. After the bears had dined on long pig to their hearts' content the park rangers arrived to collect the leftovers and shoot the bears.
Living proof (better still, dead proof) that you shouldn't believe everything you see on Walt Disney movies.
In the autumn of 2003 he tried heading back south to be with his family or other friends; at the airport he got into a towering rage with somebody and failed to board the plane, instead returning to the Alaskan lake shore where he had spent the summer. Unfortunately and despite his assumed name, in so doing he didn't tread very well at all. In the meantime his favourite bear clan had all gone into hibernation and another group had moved in to time-share the place, where a few weeks later Treadwell was reminded of the six basic relationships an animal species may have with other animals in the wild: you ignore it, it picks off your parasites, you pick off its parasites, you fuck it, you eat it, it eats you. This list included the last option, and unfortunately he had taken his latest girlfriend along for the ride as well. After the bears had dined on long pig to their hearts' content the park rangers arrived to collect the leftovers and shoot the bears.
Living proof (better still, dead proof) that you shouldn't believe everything you see on Walt Disney movies.
I wanted to be an eco-warrior when I was younger, but then I heard about Timothy Treadwell and wizened up.
by Fearman April 1, 2008