14 definitions by Dovetchka

Top Definition
A derogatory pun for FOX News, the 24 hour cable network which ushered in the age of shouting head pseudo-journalism.

See also faux
FAUX News: We Distort, You Comply
by Dovetchka December 24, 2005
proper n. A professional comic and media gadfly. An all-around kickass dame of ingenious, rapid-fire wit. Reknowned for having the nerve to mock celebrities and slaughter all the sacred cows of mainstream pop culture. Brassy, sassy, classy and sarcassy.
Mandy: Kathy Griffin is the shizznit.
by Dovetchka December 25, 2005
1. A memetic media virus propogated by FAUX News, the 24 hour infotainment network A completely ridiculous red herring spawned in the winter of 2005, the War on Christmas refers to the alleged schemings of liberal secularist grinches to threaten the religious freedoms of Christians, that horribly opressed minority (all 80% of them).
Cited examples of this so-called opression include opposition to displays of a distinctly religious nature erected on taxpayer-funded public spaces, and the policies of many businesses to wish their patrons 'Happy Holidays'. This was somehow construed by some disgruntled conservatives as an all-out declaration of war on Christmas.

2. The War on Christmas also alludes to the title of an entire book written by FOX anchorman John Gibson, an obvious marketing tie-in to the product they are constantly selling: divisive hype.

3. The ongoing struggle against insurgent elves. Even though Old Saint Nick allowed UN inspectors to visit his compound in the North Pole where no WMD were found, the Bush administration insisted on a preemptive-strike on Santa's Workshop.
Target Employee: Happy Holidays!
Disgruntled Conservative: What did you say?!? Do I look like some kind of jew? This is just another sick example of the tree-hugging, Birkenstock-wearing, CNN-watching, Clinton-blowing secular humanist War on Christmas!!
by Dovetchka December 24, 2005
A genre-transcending band one must actually hear to fully appreciate. Like a runaway train engineered by ragtag poets overfond of spinning literary anachronisms into exultant ballads.
Pure joy.
Have you heard of The Decemberists?
Their music makes my nipples hard.
They are that good.
by Dovetchka December 22, 2005
Located in Central Florida. A tiny, belagured collection of trailer parks, scrapyards, hadji marts and various bits of rusted metal loosely organized into something that's supposed to resemble a town.

When driving from Whorelando, Bithlo is the shitty redneck hamlet one passes right before they enter another shitty redneck town called Christmas.

Hence, Bithlo is sometimes called "The Nightmare Before Christmas".
On my way to Whorelando, I stopped by the CircleK in Bithlo, where I was harassed for sex by a toothless, shirtless redneck.
by Dovetchka December 24, 2005
An female of decidedly overwrought, emo or gothic tendancies.

Refers to the tragic heroine of Shakespearian fame who commited suicide due to her unrequited love for Hamlet.
Since he dumped her she's been shut up in her room listening to The Smiths all day. She's such an Ophelia.
by Dovetchka December 22, 2005
An amusing term which appears so ubiquitously in various film adaptations of Jane Austin novels that it really should enter the public lexicon as a bit of tounge-in-cheek banter mocking the stilted, formal manner of speech common during the Regency period.
Chick: Dude, this party is great and all, but I've been sitting on this couch so long that my leg is falling asleep.
Dude: Shall we take a turn about the room?"
by Dovetchka December 22, 2005

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