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9 definitions by David From Austin

 
1.
When you can shit through a tennis racket and not hit the strings.
Don't go in the bathroom, I just let down some serious beer shits.
by David From Austin September 11, 2007
392 106
 
2.
A woman whom, just like a washing machine, you can dump your load into and it wont follow you around for 6 months telling you that it loves you.
Dude, She's 16! If you hit that her and those giggly annoying ass friends of hers will stalk you like a pack of hyenas. You need to ditch this bitch and get yourself a washing machine.
by David From Austin September 17, 2007
65 28
 
3.
When your so fat that people cant help but stare at you as if you are some rare piece of art.
I almost got into a freaking car accident while staring at some calorie gallery wearing spandex and a tube top.
by David From Austin September 13, 2007
53 17
 
4.
A Mexican American's retirement plan. Typically non existent. A formal retirement plan is not necessary when you can just live with one of your 15 children once too old to support yourself.
HR: "Would you like to put any of your paycheck towards our 401-k?"
Dominic: "'401-k'? Nah puto. I'm already fully vested in my own '401-Que?'"
by David From Austin September 13, 2007
34 13
 
5.
Guys dress code for a strip club, Halloween, or Las Vegas:
1. Pants
2. Wallet containing cash

Girls dress code for a strip club, Halloween, or Las Vegas:
1. Heels
2. short skirt (no panties)
3. Top showing excessive cleavage

Girls dress code when greater than 200lbs:
1. GIANT burlap sack.
2. Flower print Moo-Moo
Door Guy: "Excuse me Ma'am, but we have a policy at this club that does not permit chicks as hot as you to enter while wearing dress slacks, It is against our dress code. Please go home and either change into something slutty OR become 40 years older. Your fat friend my enter but only if she puts on a giant burlap sack to disguise her as a mountain of potatoes, we do not want to scare the other patrons. You may purchase a burlap sack from us for $15"
by David From Austin September 10, 2007
34 22
 
6.
When you shit and your ass acts more like a pressure washer than a soft serve ice cream machine.
Ever time I eat taco bell I get a bad case of blaster ass!
by David From Austin September 11, 2007
12 3
 
7.
Adj.
1. Woman exhibiting symptoms resulting from repeated physical and emotional injury by her intoxicated spouse who drinks alcohol to excess habitually.

2. A womans red, puffy, and swollen vagina after a night of rough drunk sex. Also known as a "Puffy Taco"
Women and Seafood are both best when they have been beer battered.
by David From Austin September 17, 2007
8 5