5 definitions by DasProfezzional

Top Definition
Verb. Intransitive. To masturbate, exclusively used when referring to a female. Some say it is actually a lesbian sex act, but they are wrong. That's called scissor sisters.
Mike : Did you hang out with Fugu yesterday?
Matt : Nah, man. I couldn't get her out of the fucking house. She was slamming the clam for like five hours!
Mike : Damn, man, she's gotta be chafed after that.
by DasProfezzional May 23, 2005
1) v. to masturbate, particularly used when referring to male masturbation.

2) v. to stimulate another's penis manually.
1) Did John come to school today?
-Nope, he decided to stay home
and screech the weasel to some
Czech transsexual porn.

2) She hit me in the face, so I
made her screech my weasel for

Nota Bene : When used in the past tense, screech is not conjugated as "screeched," rather as "scroche," (pronounced "skROACH."
I heard Bob went over to Susan's.
Did they fool around?
-Nope, they just sat in separate
rooms all night and silently
scroche their respective weasels.
Ha, Bob gets no play.
by DasProfezzional May 04, 2005
n. One whose presence, and possibly existence, is objectionable. One who might also be termed an asshole, or even more similarly a cuntmuffin or a twatwaffle.
-Hey, Todd, I slept with your mom in September! She's six months pregnant!

-Goddamn you John, you little pussypancake! {Dropkicks John in the balls.}
by DasProfezzional June 01, 2005
adj. Amusing or entertaining; esp. something that evokes laughter. Something that the daily UD emails are not.
UD: Look, ipod spamming, it's funny! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Mike: Urm...nope.
by DasProfezzional July 30, 2005
v. One of the most violent fetishes known to man. This involves two men, a pregnant woman, a barstool, and a lethal weapon. First, the men find and kill the pregnant woman, then place bets. One at a time, they jump from the barstool onto the (now dead) woman's stomach, eating whatever comes out of said woman's vagina after each successive jump. The one who gives up first forfeits his share of the bet to the other.
Aww man, did I tell you that we murfed Joe's mom last night?
-Are you serious? Fuck. I don't want
to go to another funeral.
by DasProfezzional May 04, 2005

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