7kev7's definitions

Chastity Patch

A small smear of excrement surreptitiously smeared on the back of one's girlfiend's neck before a girls' night out, in order to deter any would-be suitors.

The missus was going out on her work Christmas party the other night and that smarmy git from accounts was there, so I gave her a Chastity Patch when she asked me to fasten her necklace.

by 7Kev7 May 16, 2007

Widow's memories

Any phallic shaped fruit or vegetable, eg bananas, cucumbers, fingered lovingly and nostalgically by old ladies in supermarkets.

Just look at the way that old dear is caressing that aubergine. Bless her. Widow's memories, eh?

by 7Kev7 May 16, 2007

ready brek glow

The fuzzy, red outline surrounding the actors in a 20th generation porno film. So called because of the red glow around the little character in the Ready Brek TV commercial. See also porn fuzz

"That grumble flick you loaned me was shite. Everyone had ready brek glow, you could hardly see a thing."

by 7kev7 November 13, 2007

wangover

Post self-abuse anguish. The feeling of guilt, regret and self-loathing immediately after masturbation. Combination of 'wank' and 'hangover'.

"Oh, no, I've got such a wangover. I swear I'll never do it again!"

by 7kev7 November 13, 2007

mole at the counter

A turtle's head. A turd that needs to come out.

"Elementary, my dear Watson. From these footprints, I deduce that our quarry was a left-handed doctor of unusually short stature, who had known prosperity but had recently fallen upon hard times, and judging by the short, irregular length of his stride it is apparent that he had a mole at the counter."

by 7kev7 November 13, 2007

Professor Pissflaps

Any woman who thinks she is smarter than the average bloke.

(Overheard in the House Of Commons):

Female MP: "...and furthermore, I would like to point out that it was men who were responsible for starting the war, and men who..."

Male Speaker: "OK, OK, Professor Pissflaps, you've had your say, now let someone else speak".

by 7Kev7 October 19, 2007

Bangers and Mash

The contents of a well-used but badly flushed lavatory, the bangers (sausages) being the turds and the mash (mashed potato) being the bog roll.

"Cinders and ashes, Thomas, your coaches are a disgrace", cried the Fat Controller. "There's soot all over the windows, used tickets all over the floor and Clarabel's khazi is full of bangers and mash!"

by 7Kev7 October 19, 2007