thumbsturbate

A masturbatory technique characterized by the use of a single thumb as the sole agent of action. Requiring high levels of mental focus and physical stamina, this ergonomically problematic style of masturbation is exceptionally inefficient, as the thumb provides little stimulation and success is dependent on the performer's ability to non-bodily induce ejaculation. It is also known to cause weather to change wildly, likely due to the disturbance of the laws of nature involved in the process. Citied as a major cause of global warming and climate change.

It has only been performed successfully once in recorded history, at high cost to both the user and the environment.

"hey did you thumbsturbate earlier, cause El goddamn Niño just wiped out Canada."

thumbsturbate by littleretardcar October 17, 2009

Get merch

Get the thumbsturbate mug.

See more merch

Thumbsturbating

To constantly text, and when your not obsess about it. Self-gratification in "playing" with your phone with your thumbs.

1. Mr. O caught Kelsey thumbsturbating in front of him in class during third period.

2. She thumbsturbated all over the place as she texted her friend.

Thumbsturbating by Ostrowskiness March 10, 2009

Get merch

Related Words

thumbsturbate • thumbsterbate • Thumbsturbating • Trumpsturbater

thumbsterbate

To excessively or with great apparent pleasure send cell phone text messages. Normally with fervent pecking at the keyboard with dueling thumbs in an almost rhythmic movement. The texter may also be quite unaware of their surroundings, focusing all efforts on proper spelling of cryptic jumbles of letters and acronyms.

He completely lost track of time while thumbsterbating with his girlfriend all night at the party. He would thumbsterbate with his girlfriend at every given opportunity.

thumbsterbate by MrMadness August 5, 2009

Get merch

Trumpsturbater

A person who mentally masturbates at the mere thought of listening to an incoherent rage filled speech or any supporting plague of baseless stupidity by their idol Donald Trump.

Did you see that Right Wing hate speech yesterday by the Proud Boi?
Yeah, what a Trumpsturbater!

Trumpsturbater by Sonicbo0mz December 3, 2020

Get merch

Stealthie

when you're holding up your phone and making faces at it, as though you are taking a selfie, but you're really taking a picture of the person across from you or the wall or anything else that seems interesting but you don't want to be caught dead taking a picture of.

This action is often made more convincing by wiggling the eyebrows or opening the mouth, to pretend you're trying to get a Snapchat filter to work.

FRIEND A: "Did you just take a stealthie of me?"

FRIEND B (turning phone around): "no I was just using snapchat's new filter, see?"

Stealthie by gwenhyfar October 2, 2016

Word of the Day on May 25, 2026

Get merch

Summer Teeth

When someone has a lot of missing teeth.

Mannn, that dude has summer teeth!
What do you mean?
Summer here, summer there...

Summer Teeth by BeckPot August 2, 2012

Word of the Day on May 24, 2026

Get merch

Grindset

The grindset is a contemporary ideology of self-exploitation disguised as strength, deeply tied to the aesthetics of the “sigma male” and to new digital forms of patriarchy. It promotes the idea that human worth depends on productivity, economic success, absolute emotional control, and the ability to work endlessly, turning vulnerability, rest, community, and tenderness into signs of weakness. Beneath its rhetoric of discipline and power often lies a profound inability to relate healthily to pain, fragility, and human interdependence.

“That’s the grindset, brother. While weak men sleep and complain, sigma males stay disciplined, work in silence, suppress emotions, and build power while everyone else wastes time chasing comfort.”

Grindset by Omega-Male May 22, 2026

Word of the Day on May 23, 2026

Get merch