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Someone who spends a large chunk of a Sunday during football season checking their fantasy football team and looking at porn. Doesn't have a girlfriend.
Phil won't play hoops; he's a dedicated statwhacker.

Gary: So, we going up to Chili's to split a two for twenty?
Tod: Nah, I'm gonna be statwhacking the rest of the day.
by statwhacker September 13, 2009
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