schemometer 

(n) a metaphoric tool used to measure the scheminess involved in a plot

Friend 1: I'll just drive her out to "get lucky rock" then once we're out there I'll just say I'm out of gas and that we'll have to stay the night out there

Friend 2: I don't know man thats about an 8.5 on my schemometer

Friend 1: What?

Friend 2: Obviously you schemed about that plan for a while, you're a creep

schemometer by gucciballinhard January 7, 2010

sizemometer 

A tactile-sensory nerve in a woman's vaginal walls dat help her estimate how big a guy's hoo-haw is by measuring how much it trembles and throbs against said love-tunnel as he's thrusting inside of her.

Some male intercourse-partners ask a "new" lady --- i.e., one whom he's just met, and so she has not yet laid eyes on his guy-junk --- to let him start out having sex wif her without her actually seeing his "equipment" beforehand (this could be accomplished by either initially having her be blindfolded or simply beginning said bouncy-bouncy wif all da lights off), but instead merely notice how his love-pipe actually feels inside of her before deciding how satisfying its length/girth/shape is for her; in this instance, she needs to rely solely on her sizemometer to determine how well-hung he is.

sizemometer by QuacksO June 8, 2023