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Ok, here goes.

Dude hastily making sandwich. In a hurry for some reason (fill in this part-you're obviously talented).

Gets everything assembled. Bread, lunch meat, lettuce, tomato, cheese. Etc.

Reaches in fridge for mustard. Notices mustard is old and decrepit as fuck. And all crusty around the tip.

Waves hand in "meh" type way.

Notices shiny new bottle of Ranch. Pushes mustard bottle aside and grabs the Hidden Valley like he stole it. Dumps on sandwich.

Big ass bite ensues.



Am I famous yet?

Call me when I'm famous.
Boyfriend is watching football, chips in one hand, sammich in the other, gently cradling the bottle of ranch in his "drinkholder" for easy access. Girlfriend wants some healthy shit (celery sticks) and can't find the ranch in the fridge, she sees boyfriend on the couch and knows what's up. She sashays up behind him and kisses on his neck while she reaches around to snag the ranch from his crotch holder. Boom #rancharound
by BaconRainey October 16, 2014
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