ass distance 

Objects or items that are in very close distance to you, sometimes directly behind or beside the person looking for the object.

The distance between you and when you look around yourself and see your ass.

I cant find my phone charger. " well, I know where it is, it's an ass distance away from you. Check over to your right"

I'm getting great wireless signal in the house. " Thats because you are an ass distance away from the router stupid!"

ass distance by DSCone June 12, 2013

ass to hand distance 

the distance from between your ass and hand while wiping.

usually in the form of TP (toilet paper)

depending on your comfort level it can be any where from 1 to 16 sheets.

it may also depend on how stinky the dump was.

my ass to hand distance is about 6 sheets, i dont like to have my hand smell like ass

Joe's ass to hand distance is a disturbing 2 sheets. it makes me shutter to think how he can deal with the closness of his hand to his ass

ass to hand distance by Con-man June 16, 2007

visual assistance 

(noun) Help provided in the form of showing a fellow student your answer of problem.

It's not cheating; it's visual assistance.

visual assistance by yangmeister February 7, 2009

textual assistance 

a classier term used by the upper class to refer to "sexting" the act of erotically stimulating another person from a distance via text. text can be in the form of instant messaging, text messaging, passing notes, morse code and even smoke signals. textual assistance is usually used while in a long distance relationship to keep up the guise of a "real" sex life you can discuss with your socialite friends, but also includes leaving sensual messages on your fiancé's corporate satellite phone or dirty post-its slipped to the twenty something secretary of yours you poke while your wife is at charity galas. while textual assistance can be used both to signal a booty call or nudge both parties in the direction of an orgasm...it is an essential part of the elite life.

(On a private ship at sea)

Butler : Sir, your mobile just vibrated. It appears to be a text message.

*Young heir to Fuzzy Dice empire takes one hand off the wheel of his yacht and picks up the ruby encrusted phone*

Maxwell Lucas Hetherington III : Not a text message Boothby, you silly old chap! This is textual assistance from the Princess of Luxembourg! As you can tell by the swelling in my Ferragamo's she's quite the dirty bird that one! Better swing round the cape and take a gander at that crown jewel before the cricket match!"

Editor's Note: Scriptwriters for CW's Gossip Girl recently asked for this to be used on their show to expose overweight, multi-ethnic and working class America to the wonders of "textual assistance". Angry gold leafed scrolls flooded in from all over the world to CW headquarters accusing the show of being too "tawdry" and having a multi-racial cast. For fear of losing ad revenues, it was pulled from the script.

textual assistance by hitler of grammatical nazis May 24, 2009

secretarial assistance 

(verb) 1. The offer of services of a sexual nature toward a work colleague by member of the work secretarial pool;

(verb) 2. The provision of, or assistance with, sexual services from someone who is otherwise employed as a secretary.

Person 1: Has Parkie got a license to drive the bus, or is it just his mates?

Person 2: I think it is just his mates. But hey, did you hear Parkie got some secretarial assistance last night after ten-pin bowling.

secretarial assistance by choogil February 12, 2012

TAC (Technical Assistance Center) Agent 

This is a technical role, requiring previous automotive technical experience and good communication skills

TAC (Technical Assistance Center) AgentA job working in a call centre with no benefits or opportunities, for a company whose name you can't say or spell unless you have a Bombay postcode, windows optional!!
Any applicants will be accepted so long as you can avoid taking calls phone in sick every time it snows,

Technical experience is not required if you can pick up a phone and take calls you can do this job,, as the Team leaders say you are not employed to fix cars you are here to take calls,
Normally your pay would reflect your experience but not in this role, we pride ourselves at Minacs we reward the employee’s with poor attendance and very little motor trade experience who normally would be sacked in any other job because of the amount of mistakes they have made but not at Minacs we give our staff time out for someone to one table football training, and as many courses as we can get you on..
Holidays you can take them when we say you can take them but we refuse to let you have time off for funerals.
Please apply if you like crap pay no benefits

We are also seeking Parts assistance consultants
Any experience working in KFC in Luton will guarantee you a job in the parts assistance centre as long as you can release calls and not raise cases , travelling expenses to and from work will be paid if your Mother's name is Debbie,

TAC (Technical Assistance Center) Agent by tobycarvery1 April 27, 2010

Computer Assistance 

The term used for the 1999 NFL Blitz sony playstation game when a game starts to get out of hand and the losing team miraculously starts scoring and causing turnovers. When this happens it is due to Computer assistance. Once a team is up 14 pts computer assistance will cause the losing team to score, and it is inevitable.

McCabe was smoking T at NFL Blitz 41-28 and then out of no where he gave up 3 interceptions lost the game. McCabe blamed the loss totally on Computer Assistance.

Computer Assistance by McCabe March 3, 2004