Twilight Victim
A person, usually a teenage boy, who's social life, and possibly other aspects of his life have been destroyed by the movie "Twilight".
This has happened because the friends-that-are-girls of this man have become completely addicted to everything and anything that has to do with the movie "Twilight". These friends may wear articles of black or dark blue clothing that say completely stupid phrases like, "Your scent is like a drug to me", "I'd never given much thought to how I would die... But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go", or, "You are my life now". The Twilight Victim has no idea what significance these phrases have, and most Twilight Victims haven't even seen the movie. They learn to hate the parts of the movie that the girls mention most. The girls only mention certain parts to the Twilight Victim, the parts that the girl knows will piss off the guy the most.
The friends are also characterized by:
1) Comparing the way people look to Edward Cullen and Isabella Who-Gives-A-Shit
2) Threatening to "Cut you up and burn you", if you don't "Get in the sunlight and sparkle"
3) Getting mad at ME for wearing sexy sunglasses, then yelling at me that I need to take them off and give them back to Edward Cullen
4) Having an obsession with red apples
5) Dropping red apples on their foot and trying to make it pop back into their hand
6) For some reason, they like really old rusty beat-up red pickup trucks
7) Love cloudy/rainy days
8) Like to bite
9) Carrying around glitter to throw on guys
10) Have an Edward Cullen poster that, suspiciously, has make-up all over Edward's face
These friends basically ruin the Twilight Victim's (also known as Twictim) life because they never shut the fuck up about retarded things, like how gorgeous Edward Cullen is, even though he looks like a freak.
A Twictim also has many good defensive arguments as to why Twilight is bullshit. Some of these may include, but are not limited to:
1) Men don't sparkle
2) Apples don't bounce
3) Men don't sparkle
4) The only way to kill a vampire is to DRIVE A WOODEN STAKE THROUGH IT'S HEART!!
5) Men honestly don't sparkle. They just don't
6) Twilight has NO plotline. It is a series of events happening between two not-so-good looking people. And one of those people sucks blood
7) The entire Cullen family looks like they're made of wax. What is attractive about that?
8) My sunglasses are NOT Edward Cullen's
9) They don't fly. They jump/glide/float. Do you see them flapping their wings? No. Do you know why? Because they're not really vampires, and they don't have wings like vampires are supposed to have!!!
10) And finally, men DO NOT sparkle. No. Never will. Never. I'm sorry
Twictims sometimes lash out against these girls by writing things such as, "Edward Cullen sucks" and "Twilight sucks". Sometimes he may even go as far as destroying the girls handwritten fan fiction, which may consist of simply drawn naked pictures of Edward Cullen sitting on the girl's lap. It is enough to make anyone cry.
PLEASE HELP THE CAUSE:
Twictimism is a horrible disease that ravages millions of innocent teenage boys every year. Whenever you see a Twilight DVD, break it. If you see a poster, burn it. Slap girls when they speak of Twilight. Twictimism is a curable disease, but we need your help.
This has happened because the friends-that-are-girls of this man have become completely addicted to everything and anything that has to do with the movie "Twilight". These friends may wear articles of black or dark blue clothing that say completely stupid phrases like, "Your scent is like a drug to me", "I'd never given much thought to how I would die... But dying in the place of someone I love seems like a good way to go", or, "You are my life now". The Twilight Victim has no idea what significance these phrases have, and most Twilight Victims haven't even seen the movie. They learn to hate the parts of the movie that the girls mention most. The girls only mention certain parts to the Twilight Victim, the parts that the girl knows will piss off the guy the most.
The friends are also characterized by:
1) Comparing the way people look to Edward Cullen and Isabella Who-Gives-A-Shit
2) Threatening to "Cut you up and burn you", if you don't "Get in the sunlight and sparkle"
3) Getting mad at ME for wearing sexy sunglasses, then yelling at me that I need to take them off and give them back to Edward Cullen
4) Having an obsession with red apples
5) Dropping red apples on their foot and trying to make it pop back into their hand
6) For some reason, they like really old rusty beat-up red pickup trucks
7) Love cloudy/rainy days
8) Like to bite
9) Carrying around glitter to throw on guys
10) Have an Edward Cullen poster that, suspiciously, has make-up all over Edward's face
These friends basically ruin the Twilight Victim's (also known as Twictim) life because they never shut the fuck up about retarded things, like how gorgeous Edward Cullen is, even though he looks like a freak.
A Twictim also has many good defensive arguments as to why Twilight is bullshit. Some of these may include, but are not limited to:
1) Men don't sparkle
2) Apples don't bounce
3) Men don't sparkle
4) The only way to kill a vampire is to DRIVE A WOODEN STAKE THROUGH IT'S HEART!!
5) Men honestly don't sparkle. They just don't
6) Twilight has NO plotline. It is a series of events happening between two not-so-good looking people. And one of those people sucks blood
7) The entire Cullen family looks like they're made of wax. What is attractive about that?
8) My sunglasses are NOT Edward Cullen's
9) They don't fly. They jump/glide/float. Do you see them flapping their wings? No. Do you know why? Because they're not really vampires, and they don't have wings like vampires are supposed to have!!!
10) And finally, men DO NOT sparkle. No. Never will. Never. I'm sorry
Twictims sometimes lash out against these girls by writing things such as, "Edward Cullen sucks" and "Twilight sucks". Sometimes he may even go as far as destroying the girls handwritten fan fiction, which may consist of simply drawn naked pictures of Edward Cullen sitting on the girl's lap. It is enough to make anyone cry.
PLEASE HELP THE CAUSE:
Twictimism is a horrible disease that ravages millions of innocent teenage boys every year. Whenever you see a Twilight DVD, break it. If you see a poster, burn it. Slap girls when they speak of Twilight. Twictimism is a curable disease, but we need your help.
My Twihard Friend: "Hey, what's up?"
Me(Twilight Victim): "Nothin' much. It's sunny out today."
Twihard: "I know...I hate it."
Me: "Yah, I'd hate it too if I was wearing a jet black shirt like that."
Twihard: "Well, that's not why I hate today. It's too sunny. It's not vampire weather. It's hardly ever sunny in Forks."
Me: "Forks? Where the hell is that!? And what does that shirt say...? 'Your scent is like a drug to me.' What's that supposed to mean?"
Twihard: "Exactly what it says."
Me: "You smell like a drug? Wait..." *sniffs the Twihard* "Gross! It SMELLS like you've been wearing that shirt for a month!"
Twihard: *sigh* "That's cus I have. I love this shirt."
Me: "Gross! I can't hang around with you anymore, I'm sorry. I just can't take this Twihard thing. Do you realize how stupid that movie is!?"
Twihard: "Yes, yes, you've explained it several times. But I don't care what you think. Twilight is the best thing to ever happen, you just haven't come to the light yet."
Me: "And I hope to God I never will. Anyways, bye. It was nice knowing you."
Twihard: "Hey, take off Edward's glasses!"
The Twictim in this situation has just lost one of his friends, thereby dropping a piece of his social life. This may continue, bit by bit, until his life has been ravaged by Twictimism
Me(Twilight Victim): "Nothin' much. It's sunny out today."
Twihard: "I know...I hate it."
Me: "Yah, I'd hate it too if I was wearing a jet black shirt like that."
Twihard: "Well, that's not why I hate today. It's too sunny. It's not vampire weather. It's hardly ever sunny in Forks."
Me: "Forks? Where the hell is that!? And what does that shirt say...? 'Your scent is like a drug to me.' What's that supposed to mean?"
Twihard: "Exactly what it says."
Me: "You smell like a drug? Wait..." *sniffs the Twihard* "Gross! It SMELLS like you've been wearing that shirt for a month!"
Twihard: *sigh* "That's cus I have. I love this shirt."
Me: "Gross! I can't hang around with you anymore, I'm sorry. I just can't take this Twihard thing. Do you realize how stupid that movie is!?"
Twihard: "Yes, yes, you've explained it several times. But I don't care what you think. Twilight is the best thing to ever happen, you just haven't come to the light yet."
Me: "And I hope to God I never will. Anyways, bye. It was nice knowing you."
Twihard: "Hey, take off Edward's glasses!"
The Twictim in this situation has just lost one of his friends, thereby dropping a piece of his social life. This may continue, bit by bit, until his life has been ravaged by Twictimism
Twilight Victim by Simian Infernus June 3, 2009
