A simple warning system named in homage to the Defense Readiness Condition aka defcon. Shartcon is also present at 5 levels, whereas shartcon level 5 would mean only a slight chance of a possible shart. Shartcon level 1 would entail that one is in eminent danger of sharting shortly, and should proceed to the nearest bathroom just in case. It is an early warning system aimed at helping normal citizens avoid shitting the pants.
Dude, I drank alot of jager last night and just grubbed some taco bell...I'm operating at a shartcon level 2. Better pull over, just in case--this fart feels dangerous.
by KyleTheMan621 June 7, 2007
Get the Shartcon mug.ShartCon is a condition that is much like the DEFCON system used by the Department of Defense.
A ShartCon Alert is declared for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to:
Abdominal pain combined with mild nausea and vile gurgling from the stomach.
The 24-48 hours following a drinking binge.
During flu-like symptoms, as well as while on some antibiotics.
For at least 4 hours immediately following a confirmed assblast.
When a ShartCon Alert is declared, a severity level is assigned in descending order of severity from 5 to 1. (A 5 is technically a "Shart Watch" level)
Each individual varies as to what level they are at under the given symptoms and circumstances, as well as the procedures for increasing or decreasing their ShartCon Levels. Criteria that are universal while in ShartCon levels 4 through 2 include the golden rule:
One must ALWAYS test fart. Remember the tried and true phrase "Don't want to Shart? TEST FART!". The lower the level, the more cautious the test fart. While under ShartCon 2, one must stay within striking distance of acceptable sit-down toilet facilities.
ShartCon 1, the most sever level, requires a strict adherence to the following:
You must remain in sphincter-lock until condition improves to at least FartCon 2. This means no test farts of any kind.
You must stay within 30 feet of OPEN toilet facilities.
If you must sleep in FartCon 1, you must make the necessary bed preparations (towels, wearing multiple pairs of expendable pants garments, etc).
Once you've successfully passed a non-Shart on the toilet, you may choose at that time to downgrade to SC 2.
BEWARE of the Fart & Sweat as this can lull you into a false sense of confidence and cause you to tragically downgrade while still very much at risk.
A ShartCon Alert is declared for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to:
Abdominal pain combined with mild nausea and vile gurgling from the stomach.
The 24-48 hours following a drinking binge.
During flu-like symptoms, as well as while on some antibiotics.
For at least 4 hours immediately following a confirmed assblast.
When a ShartCon Alert is declared, a severity level is assigned in descending order of severity from 5 to 1. (A 5 is technically a "Shart Watch" level)
Each individual varies as to what level they are at under the given symptoms and circumstances, as well as the procedures for increasing or decreasing their ShartCon Levels. Criteria that are universal while in ShartCon levels 4 through 2 include the golden rule:
One must ALWAYS test fart. Remember the tried and true phrase "Don't want to Shart? TEST FART!". The lower the level, the more cautious the test fart. While under ShartCon 2, one must stay within striking distance of acceptable sit-down toilet facilities.
ShartCon 1, the most sever level, requires a strict adherence to the following:
You must remain in sphincter-lock until condition improves to at least FartCon 2. This means no test farts of any kind.
You must stay within 30 feet of OPEN toilet facilities.
If you must sleep in FartCon 1, you must make the necessary bed preparations (towels, wearing multiple pairs of expendable pants garments, etc).
Once you've successfully passed a non-Shart on the toilet, you may choose at that time to downgrade to SC 2.
BEWARE of the Fart & Sweat as this can lull you into a false sense of confidence and cause you to tragically downgrade while still very much at risk.
Rick: Dude, sliders at 4 AM after 5 pitchers of Stag? I am at ShartCon 3 for sure.
Jenny: Ooohhhh I don't know if that is feeling like just a fart or not...
Trisha: Girl, don't mess around. Go to ShartCon 5 right now.
Jenny: Ooohhhh I don't know if that is feeling like just a fart or not...
Trisha: Girl, don't mess around. Go to ShartCon 5 right now.
by tunnelr@ March 11, 2009
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by Heathenlamb July 30, 2018
Get the Shartoning mug.Before the 100 meter sprint I was definitely brewing a shartonnay. Right as I crossed the finish line I popped the cork and sharted all over my legs and shoes. I need to do some laundry.
by jerichosalvant October 16, 2009
Get the Brewing a Shartonnay mug.by Swade33 December 16, 2013
Get the sharton me mug.a musical genre that is a cross between a shit a fart and hardcore
the audible essence of the color brown
the audible essence of the color brown
by The Phlowers February 28, 2012
Get the Shartcore mug.A derivative of the term "shart", which is the combination of a fart and diarrhea that occurs simultaneously. To make Shartonnay, you must shart into someone's drink, preferably Chardonnay, thus creating "Shartonnay".
My friend was drinking a glass of Chardonnay and when he went to the bathroom, I sharted in his drink. When he returned, it was Shartonnay.
by shartmaster1 July 27, 2013
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