Procrustes 

A horrible STD that originated from the infamous greek torturer Procrustes. The Jews got this disease from being pushed into the bed of procrustes where they found themselves infected by the nightmarish disease. Some of the Jews ancestors today have Procrustes, and it continues to spread by kissing, or sex.

Boy 1: Fuck, I made out with this girl and now I have procrustes!

Boy 2: She must have been a Jew

Procrustes by raiseawarnessofprocrustes February 4, 2010

Bed of Procrustes Theory

The theory, named after the Greek myth of Procrustes who stretched or cut victims to fit his bed, that we systematically force complex reality into oversimplified categories, distorting what we see to fit our preconceptions. Bed of Procrustes Theory argues that our models, theories, and categories are Procrustean beds: we stretch and cut reality to make it fit, ignoring what doesn't conform, emphasizing what does. This is inevitable—we need categories to think—but dangerous when we forget we're doing it. The theory calls for vigilance, for attending to what our models exclude, for remembering that the map is not the territory. It's the epistemological foundation of humility, the reminder that reality is always richer than our representations.

Example: "His political theory neatly categorized everyone as left or right. But people are messy, complex, contradictory. The Bed of Procrustes Theory showed him what he was doing: stretching and cutting real people to fit his categories, ignoring what didn't fit. His theory was neat; reality was messy. He had to choose which to trust."

Bed of Procrustes Theory by Dumu The Void March 7, 2026

Procrastefficient 

Adj - Having the ability to wait until the last minute to do something important, yet still being able to complete it with high quality.

Jim: I put off that book report until last night but I did it and still got a 100.

Jill: Wow Jim, you're really procrastefficient.

Procrastefficient by Noah A. Hoback October 30, 2007

Procrasterbation 

When you spank the monkey to avoid doing real work.

God I really don't want to write this paper..

Procrasterbation is always a good alternative.

Procrasterbation by BruthaDahkness April 12, 2011

procrasterbate

Putting off homework or other important activities in order to masturbate.

I failed my physics test because I stayed up looking at sheep porn instead of studying. I'm such a procrasterbator!

procrasterbate by Gary March 19, 2005

Master Procraster 

A "Master Procraster" is a person who has such skill in procrastination that it may be considered a form of art.

Master Procrasters usually do better on assignments when they spend very little time at the last minute completing them than they do on assignments that they spend a lot of time on.

The term "Master Procraster" is in itself an example of the concept - "Procraster" is a shortened (i.e. BS-ed) version of the word "Procrastinator." Even though it's "shorter," it works better than "Master Procrastinator."

Me: "Dude, I totally got an A- on that paper."
Friend: "Holy crap! how much time did you spend on it?"
Me: "Dude, I did it at lunch."
Friend: "Seriously man, you're a Master Procraster."

Master Procraster by Maximillian E. Westenfluss September 10, 2009

Procrastisaurus 

A foul retail beastie that manifests itself as an individual who waits well beyond any rational deadline to begin a MASSIVE project and then proceeds to make everyone in the service industry who is within their sphere of influence subservient to the process of completing the project on time. Generally supercedes the needs of the less severe but equally disturbing "Procrastidons" who roam in vast aimless herds intent on bothering various retail clerks with super-innocuous pseudo-questions and random requests, most of which are completely irrelevant to the task at hand but are invoked nonetheless.

Kinkos wonk:"May I help you?"
Procrastidon 1: "Hi, yes I need..."
Procrastidon 2: "Wait, Me. I always go first..."
Procrastidon 3: "I gotta have this 10 minutes ago yesterday. Step aside."
Procrastidon 4:" It says 'copies' on the sign out front. Do you wash cars? Do you like your job?"
Procrastisaurus:"OUTTA THE WAY! THIS IS A MATTER OF UNMATCHED URGENCY! NOW MOVE IT!"
Kinkos wonk: "Sir, this person was here before y..."
Procrastisaurus:"YOU HAVE NO SENSE OF THE MAGNITUDE OF URGENCY ATTACHED TO THIS PROJECT! CLEAR THE WAY YOU LITTLE BASTARDS!!!"
Kinkos wonk:" I have to go take a shit..."
Procrastisaurus:"AAAAARRRGHHHHHH!!!! BOOM!!!"
Procrastidon 1: " Oh cool...his head blew up."
Procrastidon 4:"Can I...like... get that car wash now but without the car cuz...like... that loud guy got brains all over my fries n' stuff and I can't eat 'em now. Can I get another order of fries instead? Where am I?

Procrastisaurus by Fecesboy August 8, 2004