Not
hip enough to be a hipster, not
smart enough to be an intellectual, a
true hipstellectual fancies himself both. Typical traits include an obsession with the Colbert Report, writing terrible symbolist poetry while laughing at the slightly-more-bearable
goth/emo writing scene at DeviantArt, starting a favorite list of books on a social networking site with Al Franken, describing one'
s religious views on aforementioned social networking site as two obscure quatro-syllabic words pulled straight off of
Wikipedia, refusing to shop at any other store than Hot Topic and lambasting those who criticize him/her for it, wearing last year's fashions, quoting in-jokes from last year, writing biased reviews of media the writer has no authority in, and a
skin-and-bones physique caused by veganism, running from riot cops, or both.
A hipstellectual is the worst of both worlds, bringing both pseudo-intellectualism and hilariously-mismatching outfits to any clique he attempts to join. Any attempt at conversation with these individuals quickly results in an argument about their favorite topics:
politics, fashion, and veganism, in that order.
People wishing to talk about something other than Obama's foreign policy and "
war for
oil" should probably venture elsewhere. Despite claiming to be social butterflies of the highest caliber, hipstellectuals are often closet gamers who are too scared to be alone to play anything other than terrible, terrible MMORPGs.
Hipstellectual: Today I had to play single-
player games because my PC was being fixed from all the malware I got from broken Korean grindfests. It was horrible! I actually had things to think about like "plot", "strategy", and "characterization"!
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Hipstellectual: THE CAKE IS A LIE! Haha, get it guys? Wasn't that game good? Also, I'M ON A
BOAT!!!
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Hipstellectual: Yeah, actually my religious beliefs are Antitheistic Humanism. You probably
don't know what that means. It's cool, it just means I'm smarter than you, no big deal.
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Hipstellectual: Ron
Paul was totally supposed to win the 2008 election. I read it on the
Internet, so the election must have been fixed or something.
---
Hipstellectual: Paying more for a pair of banged-up jeans than for a full three-piece suit is just a matter of taste. If you
don't, you have bad taste.
