Turtle Todd

A professional driver,usually much slower than the others. Reaching a height of of 5 foot, most sit on a phone book or booster chair while driving. Known for leaving some of their loads on highways & interstates as a way to find there way back. Very competitive although always loses. Always wanting to be employee of the month but only ever achieving runner-up.

Look at Turtle Todd he thinks he's going to win

by Hjm1979 June 24, 2021

turtle hug

being back to back with someone and locking arms as one person lifts the other into the air as the turtle standing and the shell in the air

"i walked up to a random person at the intersection and gave them a turtle hug" Dante said to Phillip as they were walking down the street

by fredslayer99 November 4, 2016

Turtle porn

A guy bad at sex

Mickey: " how is Tyler's dick game?"

Heaven:"It's like turtle porn, slow and boring"

by Grumpup March 23, 2017

Turtle Belt

An elastic band (or other improvised object) used to close off the end of an uncircumcised penis at the point of ejaculation in order to quickly and cleanly move from your location.

I had to grab a turtle belt and run to the bathroom so I didn't stain the new couch.

by Redh00d4 May 3, 2018

Turtle Head

When you get home after a long day needing to take a gargantuan shit and so you run to the toilet and knock over your kid in the hallway and slam the bathroom door shut and wait for that sweet sweet moment when you gloriously defecate all over the bathroom but instead end up straining your asscheeks for an hour only for a tiny ass piece of shit to slightly poke its way out of your asshole. That piece of shit is called a turtle head and know you have to choose to behead your turtle either by straining your asscheeks closed or pulling the piece of shit out with your fingers and now your hand smells of ass and your kid is crying in the hallway and you still have to make dinner and oh fuck why am I still alive

Mom: Jimothy, alight from your dwelling in order to receive nutrition handcrafted by your own mother.
Jimothy, tearfully: Mother, how I wish to fulfill that which you have requested of me! But alas, I am unable to, for I am stuck in the predicament of having to deal with a Turtle Head!
Mother, wailing: Jimothy, my dear beloved son! How I weep for you! How I mourn! That you should have to deal with such an ordeal! I am so deeply sorry, but alas, am unable to help.

by BaddSpelur October 31, 2019

The Turtle's Kiss

When a man manufactures a dump so perfect that as it glides over his prostate it causes mild to moderate sexual release.

Bill: "Hey Steve. I did a huge dump this morning which was so perfect that I almost had a orgasm"
Steve: "ah, I see you have experienced the majesty of The Turtle's Kiss"

by Souper Rare April 28, 2022

turtle head

turtle head is a phenomenon when you have a dookie so large it peeks out the anus. referring to a scared turtle

dude can you hurry in the bathroom i have major turtle head.

by All america bitch December 24, 2018