When you thought you could trust a fart to be low profile on a hot day, but due to your seated position it starts bubbling up through all of the creases and crevices covered in sweat, resulting in being unsure whether you've shat your pants or not
by PhatSphoincter October 12, 2025
Get the Gurglefart Fiascomug. Da frequent sabotaging of one's attempts to "eat wholesome" or stay on a strict low-cal/carb diet to lose weight and/or otherwise improve his health by purchasing only "basic" and "natural" groceries; said messing-up occurs when either you get jovially invited to "consume mass quantities" by your Coneheads-appetited buddies at a party or backyard barbecue, or you unexpectedly come across some leftover/discarded food that is still safe/edible... hey, for this latter example, you absolutely HAVE to eat it, right? We can't be wasting food, now, can we, especially when there are children starving all over the world; it saves on your grocery-bill, as well. And besides, salvaged food --- by the virtue of your conscientiously not letting it go to waste --- isn't fattening, anyway; only food that either you're served or you actually go and PURCHASE adds on da pounds... everybody knows THAT!
Two classic examples of a free-food fiasco are (1) where Hagar goes out on his porch and finds a huge cornucopia of tasty rich treats labeled, "For Hagar"; he sadly remarks, "This always happens whenever I go on a diet!", and (2) where the irritable and acutely-nicotine-dependent Dr. Becker is trying to give up da cancer-sticks, but then finds several unopened boxes of them in a dumpster behind his workplace.
by QuacksO August 12, 2019
Get the free-food fiascomug.