Hanukkah story

So, the Greeks took over Israel and they were like, "YO, COME JOIN OUR RELIGION!" and Judah and his group be like, "You can't make us," and they continued on their Jewish way. The problem is, the Greeks would NOT STOP FREAKIN PESTERING THEM, and Judah was like, "I can't anymore, whaddaya say we fight them!?" And the boys were like, "You know what's up!" The group (called the Maccabees🐝) fought the Greeks as hard as they could. The problem was, the Jews back home barely had enough oil to light the menorah (there were no lightbulbs back then), and they only had enough for one day, and so the Jews were like, "Screw it, we need that light!" and lit the menorah, but when they woke up the menorah was still lit, and they were like, "Huh, that's weird." And the next day the menorah was still lit, and the Jews were like, "Okay, what is happening?" This also happened on the third day, and then the Jews were like, "WTF!?" This continued until the eighth night, which was also when the Maccabees🐝 took back their freedom and their temple (which was also raped by the Greeks), and they were finally able to eat their latkes in peace.
Quote:

Person 1: "And that's the Hanukkah story."
Person 2: "Booorrrriiinnggg!"
*Person 1 whacks Person 2 with frying pan*
Person 1: "GET LATKE'D"

by US-IL December 25, 2024

hanukkah tree

The candle thing that Jews light up on Hanukkah, but like, in the form of a tree.

"Did you see Abraham's Hanukkah Tree?"
"Ya, he must have gotten it from Jews R Us"

by #SuperJew March 3, 2016

Hanukkah Hoe

A turkey girl that lasted past Christmas, as unexpected and was still cuffed after Christmas Day. A Hanukkah Hoe is much better off without the a-hole she is dating at this point as his true colors have really shown but she is just too dumb to leave.

Hey, is Greg still with turkey girl?

Yeah, she's a real idiot and turned herself into his Hanukkah Hoe even though he won't make it Facebook official.

by kendallcm December 28, 2016