N-Dimensional Theory

The overarching mathematical framework proposing that reality operates in N dimensions, where N is any number you want it to be, and your inability to visualize them is a personal failing, not a limitation of the theory. This elegant framework unifies everything from string theory's 11 dimensions to your conspiracy-theorist uncle's claim that the government is hiding 47 dimensions from the public. N-dimensional theory suggests that all physical laws are just shadows cast by higher-dimensional structures onto our 3D brains. The mathematics are beautiful, the implications are profound, and the number of people who actually understand them is approximately N, where N is a very small integer, possibly zero.

Example: "He tried to explain N-dimensional theory to his date, starting with 'imagine a line, then a square, then a cube, then—' She stopped him at 'then' and asked what he did for a living. He said 'theoretical physicist.' She said 'oh, so you make things up for a living.' He couldn't argue, because in some dimensions, that's exactly what he did."

by Dumu The Void February 14, 2026

Theory of Secret Logic

The belief that there is a hidden, coherent logic behind seemingly irrational systems, events, or behaviors, and that understanding this secret logic would reveal that everything actually makes sense—just not in the way obvious to casual observers. Proponents of the theory of secret logic argue that conspiracy theorists aren't wrong; they're just using a different logical framework, one that connects dots that mainstream logic refuses to see. The theory is popular among people who find the universe too chaotic to bear and need to believe that behind the randomness, there's a pattern—even if that pattern is malevolent, absurd, or designed by aliens who really care about our crop circles.

Example: "He subscribed to the theory of secret logic, believing that every government action, no matter how incompetent, was part of a master plan. When a bridge collapsed due to neglected maintenance, he saw not incompetence but a deliberate plot to justify infrastructure spending. The secret logic was always more interesting than the boring truth, and also completely made up."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Secret Reality

The metaphysical proposition that the world we perceive is not the real world—that there's a hidden reality beneath or behind the surface, accessible only to those who know how to look. This theory underpins everything from Plato's cave to Matrix movies to your cousin's belief that lizard people run the government. The theory of secret reality is comforting because it explains why the world seems so messed up: it's not that things are chaotic and meaningless; it's that there's a hidden order, a secret truth, a reality behind reality. The downside is that once you start believing in secret reality, every mundane event becomes suspicious, and you can never just enjoy a sunset without wondering if it's a hologram.

Example: "After watching three documentaries, he became a believer in the theory of secret reality. The moon landing was fake, the earth was flat, and birds weren't real—they were government drones. His friends asked about the birds they saw at the park. He said those were the realistic ones. The secret reality was exhausting, but at least it was interesting."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Global Precarization

The socioeconomic theory describing the deliberate, systemic creation of economic insecurity as a tool of social control and profit maximization. According to this theory, the instability of modern work—gig economy jobs, zero-hour contracts, constant fear of layoffs—isn't an accident of market forces but a feature of late capitalism designed to keep workers desperate, compliant, and unable to organize. When everyone's one missed paycheck away from disaster, no one strikes, no one demands better conditions, and no one threatens the system. The theory of global precarization explains why stability has become a luxury good and why your parents' promise of "work hard and you'll be secure" now sounds like a fairy tale.

Example: "He explained the theory of global precarization to his friend who wondered why millennials couldn't just 'pull themselves up by their bootstraps.' 'It's not that we're lazy,' he said. 'It's that the system is designed to keep us insecure—no stable jobs, no pensions, no safety net. We're supposed to be too scared to demand better. It's working.' His friend went back to his two gig jobs and hoped the theory was wrong. It wasn't."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Global Financialization

The theory that the global economy has shifted from producing things to trading claims on things, with finance becoming not just a sector of the economy but its dominant logic. Under financialization, companies exist less to make products and more to generate shareholder value; housing becomes an investment vehicle rather than a place to live; and every aspect of life—education, health care, even relationships—gets turned into something that can be bought, sold, and securitized. The theory of global financialization explains why your rent keeps rising even though your wages don't, why your student loans are owned by three different investment firms, and why it feels like everything is a transaction now. Because it is.

Example: "She learned about the theory of global financialization and suddenly understood why her hospital bill was incomprehensible, why her landlord was a corporation she'd never meet, and why her retirement savings were invested in companies that were actively making the world worse. Everything was finance now. Nothing was just itself anymore. She felt very small and very angry."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Global Enshittification

The theory, popularized by internet observers, that describes the inevitable lifecycle of digital platforms and, increasingly, everything else: first they're good to users, then they abuse users to benefit business customers, then they abuse both to benefit shareholders, and finally they become a hollowed-out shell of their former selves, optimized for extraction rather than utility. The theory of global enshittification explains why every app you love eventually becomes unusable, why quality declines as soon as a company goes public, and why it feels like the whole world is slowly getting worse in specifically annoying ways. It's not paranoia; it's capitalism.

Example: "He watched his favorite social media platform implement its thirtieth enshittification update—more ads, less content, features nobody asked for—and realized the theory of global enshittification was playing out in real time. The app had been good, then useful, then tolerable, and now it was just a slot machine designed to extract his attention and sell it to the highest bidder. He didn't delete it. That's how enshittification wins."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026

Theory of Logical Hegemony

The critical theory proposing that dominant groups maintain power not just through force or economics, but through control over what counts as "logical" in the first place. According to this theory, the rules of logic aren't universal and neutral—they're tools of hegemony, designed to privilege certain ways of thinking while marginalizing others. Western logic (non-contradiction, excluded middle, linear reasoning) becomes the standard against which all other reasoning is judged, making indigenous epistemologies, feminine modes of thought, and non-Western philosophies appear "illogical" simply because they operate by different rules. The theory of logical hegemony explains why "that doesn't make sense" often really means "that doesn't fit my cultural framework," and why marginalized groups are constantly forced to translate their experiences into dominant logical forms to be heard.

Example: "She invoked the theory of logical hegemony when her professor dismissed indigenous knowledge as 'unscientific.' 'You're not evaluating their logic,' she said. 'You're imposing yours. The hegemony of Western rationality decides what counts as knowledge, and everything else gets called myth.' The professor said she was being relativistic. She said he was being hegemonic. Neither convinced the other, but she felt better for naming it."

by Dumu The Void February 15, 2026