rhetorical apology

An apology that does not require an "it's ok" response. Usually the person who is being apologized to should actually be doing the apologizing. Rhetorical apologies are often stated with large amounts of unmistakable sarcasm.

Incorrect response...

Guy: Oh come on girl! What's wrong with having a little fun?
Girl: Um do I look like the kind of person who's ok with just having "a little fun?" I'm not a slut. Sorry.
Guy: That's ok.
Girl: That was a rhetorical apology you doucher.

Correct response...

Guy: Oh come on girl! What's wrong with having a little fun?
Girl: Um do I look like the kind of person who's ok with just having "a little fun?" I'm not a slut. Sorry.
Guy: Oh no no! I'm sorry! I was completely out of line.

by gimmieames December 7, 2010

<.7.9.7.6.>I, ANgel Jose RObles Apologizes For Borthering THe Detective comic's Character Called "'Poison'"<.7.9.7.6.>

<.7.9.7.6.>I, ANgel Jose RObles Apologizes For Borthering THe Detective comic's Character Called "'Poison'"<.7.9.7.6.>

<.7.9.7.6.>I, ANgel Jose RObles Apologizes For Borthering THe Detective comic's Character Called "'Poison'"<.7.9.7.6.>

by TheGeneralGenitalsPranksterian May 17, 2025

Apology

I mean, you are fucking getting one until I get the money and the credit. You aren't doing this to the bitch who said kill all men. You aren't stealing all of her shit. She won't ever even have anything of significance to steal.

Hym "No, hey, this is a pathetic attempt at using soft power and theft to meet out extrajudicial punishment that includes manufacturing a mental illness to control my life and behavior. To keep me impoverished so that SOMEONE has authority over me at all times and IF I DON'T... Then it's out on the streets! WHICH IS A THING THAT LIBERALS DON'T THINK SHOULD BE ALLOWED AN IS! Where will the liberal BE!? While I'm on the street? TALKING about how 'Homeless people should have homes' and DOING nothing. Actively participating in the ACT that is intended EXPLICITLY to KEEP ME TRAPPED IN THE WORKFORCE. FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU ARE YOUR KIDS TO DEATH! You don't have a right to teach me a lesson. You don't have a right to an apology. But I DO have a right to be compensated for my property. You ACKNOWLEDGE MY RIGHTS. The ones I CURRENTLY HAVE... And NOT the one that you theoretically think people SHOULD have. Because you're not going to be there when I don't get the healthcare you think everyone have a right to have for free. You are doing to be there when I'm getting strangled to death on a train for shouting about how bereft I am. So FUCK YOU... You PIECE OF SHIT. Whatever lesson you are trying to teach dissolves into nothingness the second steel hits meat. You're done. I did it. It's over. I'm out. And IF I'M NOT OUT then I'm trapped in here with you kids."

by Hym Iam January 3, 2025

Hancock apology

To make an apology for something relatively insubstantial, even mostly irrelevant, while simultaneously refusing to acknowledge something more grievous.

Bonus points if the apology is insultingly insincere and the apologist demands privacy and respect.

Named after Matt Hancock, Secretary of State for Health and Social Care of the UK, who was filmed having an extramarital romantic liaison - kissing and groping - an aide he personally hired. Hancock refused to acknowledge the romantic and sexual element of this interaction and, instead, chose to apologise for "breaching social distancing guidelines." He then asked for privacy for this "personal matter", alluding to the alleged affair sighted, while completely refusing to acknowledge the affair.

Jane: "You cheated on me over 15 years, murdered my mother, and stole all of my money. Why did you do all of this, you wasteman?"

Matt: "To invoke the Hancock apology, I am sorry that I ate all of your green Gummy Bear sweets. It was very wrong of me and I apologise. I would now like you to respect my privacy on this personal matter."

by BroJayDee June 26, 2021

Colombian apology

After upsetting your hot headed fella (usually Latino) or saying/doing something to disrespect him. You apologise by offering your arse and taking it up the bum. All is then forgiven.

"Valeria upset me the other day, disrespected my wife while we were at it. Was about to lose my shit but she gave me a Colombian apology to calm me down. Wasn't mad at her anymore after that."

by Fookem August 10, 2021

Apology accepted

Apology accepted Japan. I'll pay the extra 10 yen for Ice cream.

Hym "Apology accepted Japan. I will buy the Ice cream."

by Hym Iam October 12, 2025

Apologize

I wouldn't even know to whom I should be apologizing nor for what I should be apologizing.

Hym "I'm sorry for openly stating that I totally see why people want and/or seek out to kill you and/or your kids (in the context of my experiences with people who are not me). I'm sorry that you are not an authority to which I can be held accountable. I'm sorry that your behavior is not the direct result of my behavior. To believe that YOUR BEHAVIOR... Is the result of my behavior... Is to insinuate that I somehow both control your behavior... And did it wrong in such an egregious fashion... That I now need to cede authority over my own behavior... To you... Indefinitely... And, in contradictory fashion, I also DON'T control your behavior... Because I cannot and should not be able to stop you from behaving as you are now... Nor am I justified in seeking to affect your behavior... Because I'm only allow to control your behavior by doing things you don't like and then allowing you to use your behavior as social punishment... But I'm NOT ALLOWED to control your behavior by telling you what you can or cannot do... And I'm going to apologize one last time... Because... If you believe anything even VAGUELY ANALOGOUS to what I just said... You... ARE IN FACT... AN ABSOLUTE FUCKING RETARD! That is a Schrodinger's box-esque narcissistic delusion where I am both in control of how you behave and not in control of how you behave."

by Hym Iam August 28, 2023