The Calendar Option

A technique of temporarily “saving face” with colleagues, bosses, customers, and auditors by changing every calendar and clock in a particular workplace in an effort to cover up a missed deadline. “The Calendar Option” is the “Nuclear Option” of work place fault misdirection. “The Calendar Option” should only be used when the monumental task of changing dozens of calendars, clocks, and watches pales in comparison to actually completing ones assigned task on time. Hacking of local computer and cellular networks is usually preferred, as these sources represent the primary ways of determining dates and times. “The Calendar Option” will buy you enough time to prepare a resume, write a cover page, and apply for other jobs in the timespan prior to your superiors realizing you’ve elegantly gamed them to death. Worried about future employment? Don’t! One who can successfully employ “The Calendar Option” is often far under-employed anyway. This fact is clearly demonstrated as the time, energy, intelligence and sheer skill required to pull off the maneuver could be accomplished by no less than an American, tier 1, Special Forces operator who is also a Ninja.

Are you late? Can’t blame a colleague? Can’t blame your computer? Can’t blame the weather? Don’t even bother! Just employ “The Calendar Option” and you won’t need to blame a thing because the calendar and clocks say “you’re not late!”

late nuclear option option ninja bad employee blame

by Darren Besert January 21, 2016

coron-optimistic

When someone thinks they have already been exposed to Covid-19, and thus have antibodies for it, because they had one or more symptoms of the disease between January and March 2020.

Todd: “I think I may have had it already. Back in January, I was really sick for like a week after hanging out with that girl that had just gotten back from Seattle.”

Me: “Yeah, then you probably HAVE had it already. Either that or you are just being a little Coron-optimistic.”

by Oilcan99 April 27, 2020

Create Optionality

Sneaky way to say cheat in a committed relationship.

To leave ones options open (to cheat)

I didn't mean to hurt you- I just needed to create optionality in our relationship.

by babimia September 11, 2020

Crotch Theory Optimal

"Crotch Theory Optimal" or "CTO" represents a modification of the poker term "Game Theory Optimal". It is a phrase that was first coined in the aftermath of the Stones Casino Cheating Scandal. When the scandal went viral in early October of 2019, hundreds of hours of poker cash game footage came under scrutiny by many amateur and professional poker sleuths. As a whole, the community came to the conclusion that Mike Postle, with the help of Justin Kuraitis and possibly others, was cheating while playing on the Stones Live Poker Stream. One of the alleged methods of cheating involved Mike Postle placing his phone between his legs, and viewing information about his opponents' hands real time. There is much video footage which shows him looking down at his crotch while playing poker hands. Once he had information about his opponents' hands, he then often made many non-standard, and highly profitable plays. Mike Postle demonstrated that all you have to do to play optimal poker is look down at your crotch. Thus the term was born: "Crotch Theory Optimal" Joe Ingram is generally credited for first using the term on one of his YouTube Videos.

I tried to bluff the river with 8 high but my opponent made a sick bluff check-raise with 9 high. That's when I had to dig deep, look down at the phone which was hidden snugly between my legs, and bust out a vicious Crotch Theory Optimal response.... Reraise allin.

Poker is so easy when you can play CTO.

by FroggyBumBum. October 10, 2019

Optimum Pride

A Filipino meme when a guy found a truck that looks like Optimus Prime and called it "Optimum Pride", butchering the name of the Autobot icon. It is often followed with manmade transforming sound effects: "eGh auGh ehEh Eh ÆhgH".

"Hey look isn't that 'Optimum Pride'?"
"It's 'Optimus Prime you fucking idiot"
"I dont fucking care what his name is, I just know he goes eGh auGh ehEh Eh ÆhgH then becomes a robot"

by GapingButthole23 November 10, 2021

Optimistic Nihilism

You know what's great about life? It doesn't matter. I don't mean that it doesn't matter what's great about life, I mean that what's great about life is that it doesn't matter. Politics doesn't matter, aliens don't matter, black holes don't matter, we don't matter.. nothing matters. We have nothing to prove, nothing to strive for. Life is nothing, it's probably an illusion anyway. We might as well all be dead. Why care about anything? See that painting - who cares? It probably doesn't exist.. but it sure is beautiful.. See that roller coaster? Oh, who cares, there's no point anyway.. but it sure is fun.. See that human you're in love with? Who cares, they're not even real and love is an illusion! Well yeah.. but it still feels really nice and it's a lot of fun.. so why not just kick back, relax and enjoy yourself on the pointless and non-existent but undeniably awesome ride of life!

B - If I'm a Nihilist, then why am I in love with A?! -internal crisis-
E - Dude, chill. Have you heard of Optimistic Nihilism...?

by miscblob August 24, 2016

optiore

1. A bitch who likes banning people from his discord server for no reason

2. A money hungry guy who owns a pjj copy on roblox

that optiore guy is a bitch

by AlphaDidAThing June 12, 2020