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Jeffrey Asparagus 

Jeffrey but he is Asparagus
Person 1: Have you guys ever had sex with Jeffrey Asparagus
Person 2: All day every day friend

Soggy asparagus 

Trying to have anal sex while limp and using your thumb to get in. A double serving of soggy asparagus is using two thumbs
John tried to soggy asparagus her but even the double serving failed
Soggy asparagus by IowaNice June 25, 2024

holds your asparagus 

SALLY WE NEEDA DIP AS IN RIGHT NOW I AM NOT IN THE MOOD TO BE PLAYING AROUND

"O.O HOLDS YOUR ASPARAGUS FOR ONE MOMENT"

Apples and Asparagus 

A person (usually a left wing activist) uses this term when they are backed into a corner. It is basically saying “I’m a dumbass and I don’t have the brains to continue this argument”
Person A: but don’t you see!?! You are wrong.

Person B: Apples and Asparagus

Old lady playin’ squat tag in an asparagus patch 

When your homie starts lagginbehind and starts being lazy as fuck
God damn it Jarvis, quit actin’ like an old lady playin’ squat tag in an asparagus patch and get movin.’