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stick a dick in his butt and call it Christmas 

To pass off bad news as good news. Usually it applies to when this act is incredibly obvious and poorly executed. When this is done, it is usually even more offensive than simply telling someone the bad news.
The doctor said that Joe was lucky to be paralyzed, since he'd no longer have to worry about getting into skateboarding accidents. All he did was stick a dick in his butt and call it Christmas.

Well Stick My Dick in a Pickle Jar and Call it Kevin 

A saying that signifies absolute disbelief
Well Stick My dick in a Pickle Jar and call it Kevin, that's crazy.