Wellsian Tortillas are a unique brand of tortillas made in the Lakewood/Steilacoom region of Washington, specifically in the vicinity of Fort Lewis. Wellsian Tortillas are known for their blandly absurd taste - and for having a penchant for always being around when least expected (i.e. in the middle of a class or briefing, it is not unusual for a Wellsian Tortilla to come flying out of the back of the room to unanimous dissatisfaction). Historically, Wellsian Tortillas
originated in 2008 on the
United States Army base called Fort Lewis.
Preparation
Wellsian Tortillas take little preparation or forethought in creation and are typically the result of an ill-thought out attempt at humor or as a illogical retort. On rare occasions, Wellsian Tortillas defy their aforementioned blandness and absurdity and can bear a faintly (stress faintly) humorous aftertaste. This taste is usually not prolonged and tends to fade within a few minutes - not unlike the symptoms of Salvia use or joke degradation (the phenomenon of fading joke appeal over repeated tellings).
To prepare your own Wellsian Tortillas, the following ingredients are required:
* Absurd amounts of movie (and/or) pop-culture familiarity. "Absurd amounts" being attributable to the often-time inability to control one's reference and/or vocalizing of an inane movie/pop-culture reference (usually at
inappropriate times).
* Child-like innocence naivety, usually used as a complement to actions that in other people would border on the levels of mental instability/underdevelopment.
* An unwitting audience.
* An easy bake oven (a mouth often doubles as a field-expedient easy bake oven.
Side Effects
Wellsian Tortillas should be created and consumed sparingly. Overcreation/
overconsumption of Wellsian Tortillas can result in painful side-effects including hysteria, momentary blindness, momentary muteness or deafness, wide spread panic,
delusions of grandeur, homicidal rage,
unnecessary impersonations, and dementia. Safe recommended doses are somewhere between 0 and 1 ingestions annually.
If you believe you have consumed or created a Wellsian Tortilla consult your doctor (i.e. the nearest suicidal instrument).
If all else fails SLING PIGEON.
