fernando

an ugly bitch ass liar who gaslights women and thinks he’s the funniest motherfucker alive even though he’s about as interesting as plain boiled chicken with no seasoning. Fernandos will typically sneak into your friend group just to ask you out, and you say yes, because you pity the guy. he takes you out on one date and tells the entire school that you’re dating. immediately following, he pays no attention to you whatsoever unless you’re with someone that he knows could jeopardize your “relationship”. you never liked him and you never considered yourself to be dating him, so you can’t exactly “break up” with him, so you sit on it for a month or two, and you decide to tell him, “I don’t want to see you in a romantic way anymore” and he tries to “get back together” with you at least five times. then, a few months later, he hits you up just to start a fight, but you’re not fucking around this time and he pussies out and apologizes. a couple weeks later, you’re hanging out with a friend, and she tells you that he had a girlfriend during the fight. “why do i even care?” you ask yourself after the three hour long talk you just had with yourself at 1 in the morning. you care because you just want to be loved like everyone else. and that’s perfectly fine. i’m here for you. you can’t even be down about him because he’s probably never taken a vitamin in his life and he walks like a virgin. On top of that, he’s probably mean to his parents and he smells like string cheese anyways.

person 1: man i’m really unhappy with this guy. he’s a bitch ass liar who gaslights me all the time. and i think he thinks we’re dating? what’s that about?

person 2: he’s a Fernando. that’s just how they are.

by the.littlest.hobo July 29, 2021