Definitions by illwauk
FIB
Fucking Illinois Bastard or Fucking Illinois Bitch. Used by residents of Wisconsin (and sometimes Michigan) to describe people from Illinois.
FIB's tend to have one or more of the following characteristics:
-Drive slow enough to get passed by grandmothers (even though they go 25 over the limit in their own state).
-If they own a sports car, they drive it like an SUV. If they own an SUV, they drive it like a sports car.
-Lives in an overpriced condo on Chicago's lakefront or an overpriced house in the 'burbs (yet still tell's everyone they're from Chicago).
-Buys a vacation home in Lake Geneva, Door County or Upper Michigan and immediately complains about the lack of urban culture in the area. Yet they can't seem to stop vacationing there.
-FIB men usually claim to be "tough chicago guys" yet are too scared to go anywhere but Miller Park, Water Street or Third Ward when visiting Milwaukee for a Brewers-Cubs game.
-FIB men are usually at least 50 lbs. overweight, yet find room to complain about the supposed lack of size 0 women in Wisconsin and Michigan.
-FIB women are usually either 50 lbs. overweight and insist on wearing halter tops and mini-skirts, or have A-cups and wear tops intended for women with an actual chest.
-Claims to be cultured even though 90% of their wardrobe consists of Cubs and Bears sweatshirts and don't know of any restaurants that aren't bar & grill's.
-Think being an "outdoorsman" means sleeping in a $50,000 RV.
-Thinks Wisconsin wouldn't be able to sustain its economy without them, but don't recognize that they're gullible idiots who buy vacation property in parts of the state that Wisconsin natives don't even want.
-Buys a dried up piece of shit because a Wisconsin merchant told them it was used in Native American puberty rituals.
FIB's tend to have one or more of the following characteristics:
-Drive slow enough to get passed by grandmothers (even though they go 25 over the limit in their own state).
-If they own a sports car, they drive it like an SUV. If they own an SUV, they drive it like a sports car.
-Lives in an overpriced condo on Chicago's lakefront or an overpriced house in the 'burbs (yet still tell's everyone they're from Chicago).
-Buys a vacation home in Lake Geneva, Door County or Upper Michigan and immediately complains about the lack of urban culture in the area. Yet they can't seem to stop vacationing there.
-FIB men usually claim to be "tough chicago guys" yet are too scared to go anywhere but Miller Park, Water Street or Third Ward when visiting Milwaukee for a Brewers-Cubs game.
-FIB men are usually at least 50 lbs. overweight, yet find room to complain about the supposed lack of size 0 women in Wisconsin and Michigan.
-FIB women are usually either 50 lbs. overweight and insist on wearing halter tops and mini-skirts, or have A-cups and wear tops intended for women with an actual chest.
-Claims to be cultured even though 90% of their wardrobe consists of Cubs and Bears sweatshirts and don't know of any restaurants that aren't bar & grill's.
-Think being an "outdoorsman" means sleeping in a $50,000 RV.
-Thinks Wisconsin wouldn't be able to sustain its economy without them, but don't recognize that they're gullible idiots who buy vacation property in parts of the state that Wisconsin natives don't even want.
-Buys a dried up piece of shit because a Wisconsin merchant told them it was used in Native American puberty rituals.
Green Bay
1. A town in NE Wisconsin which so backwards and conservative that it takes credibility away from decent Wisconsin cities like Milwaukee, Madison and La Crosse.
2. A place for people from Illinois and Minnesota to confirm their stereotypes of Wisconsinites as being fat, drunken, deer-hunting dolts.
3. Allegedly a city of 100,000 which doesn't even have as much to do as a town 1/10th of that size.
4. A "city" whose only saving grace is a football team which it wouldn't even be able to have if not for the support of a REAL city 114 miles to the south.
5. A place where Green Acres, Andy Griffith and Hee Haw are considered cultural programming.
6. A town with a laundry list of failed business ventures because its people refuse to take part in anything that doesn't involve drinking, bowling, killing animals, the Packers, and more drinking.
7. A place that hasn't changed in over 20 years because anyone who tries to bring in new ideas is accused of being an elitist who wants to "Milwaukeeize" the city.
8. A colony of paranoid residents who have an irrational fear of anyone who's not a white, redneck townie. Especially if said person is from Milwaukee or Chicago.
9. A town with an allegedly great school system, yet a surprisingly significant number of residents who apparently don't know what side of the civil war Wisconsin was on and fly the rebel flag from their pick-up trucks.
2. A place for people from Illinois and Minnesota to confirm their stereotypes of Wisconsinites as being fat, drunken, deer-hunting dolts.
3. Allegedly a city of 100,000 which doesn't even have as much to do as a town 1/10th of that size.
4. A "city" whose only saving grace is a football team which it wouldn't even be able to have if not for the support of a REAL city 114 miles to the south.
5. A place where Green Acres, Andy Griffith and Hee Haw are considered cultural programming.
6. A town with a laundry list of failed business ventures because its people refuse to take part in anything that doesn't involve drinking, bowling, killing animals, the Packers, and more drinking.
7. A place that hasn't changed in over 20 years because anyone who tries to bring in new ideas is accused of being an elitist who wants to "Milwaukeeize" the city.
8. A colony of paranoid residents who have an irrational fear of anyone who's not a white, redneck townie. Especially if said person is from Milwaukee or Chicago.
9. A town with an allegedly great school system, yet a surprisingly significant number of residents who apparently don't know what side of the civil war Wisconsin was on and fly the rebel flag from their pick-up trucks.
"I want to go somewhere like the rural south, but without the good weather or southern hospitality."
"How about Green Bay?"
"How about Green Bay?"
Chicago
An allegedly world-class city with a nice skyline and not much else. Claims to be progressive even though it has a shrinking minority population (due to gentrification) and a notoriously corrupt government. Tries to compete with actual world-class cities such as New York and London, but fails miserably giving it an inferirotiy complex. This causes Chicago residents to lash out at other nearby cities such as Detroit, Milwaukee and St. Louis to justify its existence.