2 definition by carde-senpai

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Closet Psychos are friends/family who seem like relatively nice and relaxed individuals up until you get very close to them. Typically, they appear very normal, but the more time you spend around them, the more you'll realize that something isn't quite right about them.

Letting yourself become too close to them is mentally hazardous, however, as they will begin to show abnormal behavior and excessive clinginess. They are usually very possessive, emotionally detached, and heavy thrill-seekers. They will seek entertainment through both you and your other friends, and even seek to target you and turn you against them so that they can have you all to themselves. This is where it gets really fun.

If you're in an intimate relationship with them, they could present strange and even disturbing fetishes, all the while wanting to know what you're doing 24/7. If you're in a regular friendship with them, they will track you closely on all social media platforms, consistently want to remain in contact with you and know of your whereabouts, and will become very unstable if you decide to hang around other people.

Closet psychos can either be psychopaths behind thin masks, or completely psychotic individuals who latch onto whatever person wanders into their web. They will either develop a severe, unhealthy infatuation with you (or the idea of you), or they will have a strong desire to toy and play games with you until you are too broken to deal with.
Frank: "John, are you okay? You seem a little down."
John: "Yeah, man. It's just been a rough day."
Frank: "How so?"
John: "I just found out that Bill is a total closet psychopath."
Frank: "What? How do you mean?"
John: "He just convinced my girlfriend that I cheated on her, and then took me to go get some drinks and lost his marbles when I declined. Now Lynsey thinks I'm an infidel and Bill won't leave her alone. God."
Frank: "Well, shit."
by carde-senpai December 20, 2014

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A derogatory jab at the state of Michigan.
Guy 1: "Ugh! I hate Michigan."
Guy 2: "More like MiSHITgan, amirite?"
Guy 1: "Shut the fuck up, you brilliant manchild."
by carde-senpai January 13, 2015

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