You rReal Name's definitions

underdo

The complete lack of the ability to complete tasks with the normally accepted level of completeness from an average intellect. Ineffective. Lazy, but does actually perform small tasks on occasion.

Bob, despite many years of experience, was a complete failure at finishing jobs of a high quality. Instead, he would inevitably underdo even the simplest of tasks. He left so much to be completed by others and would always be underdue as well.

by You rReal Name February 24, 2022

Bobotomy

The first in a planned series of personalized brain surgeries which remove all traces of the common character traits of all the Bobs you ever knew. The steadfastness and resolve of the “Robert”, and the good looks and endearments of “Rob” in him are left alone, but all the fun-loving eccentricities and the “no pun left behind” attitude simply disappear on the cutting room floor. If the clinic is proven to successfully restructure Bob, the Joebotomy will arrive in time for the election. Any old Joe you choose can be transformed with a few deft cuts to become Barack or Bill-like at the molecular level. The Flobotomy follows and offers back a serious insurance agent where once only a floozy lived.

Bob had tried all of the run of the mill brain surgeries to make himself more docile, less irritating...but when the Bobotomy was introduced in ‘19 he was first in line for it and he was able to live a benign yet fruitful life. Never again would the world be subjected to bad puns and childish practical jokes.

by You rReal Name August 19, 2020

Persintage

The exact degree of sin that you just committed. Expressed as "GUILTY-01" to "GUILTY-100". So a quick butt-pat of your secretary in the halls might be GUILTY-01, while a three way with and at your Mother-in-law's Bridge Club is GUILTY-100.

Allan was a recent groom, and as such he had not learned his persintage catechism. He thought that just "checking out a cute butt" was off the scale, but that has been judged GUILTY-27 for years.

by You rReal Name August 8, 2020

Toot Suite

For the moneyed millennial, an entire room set up for comfortable and relaxing farting alone or in groups. Airy, filtered airy, library-scaled magazine rack, beer fridge, franks and beans bubbling the stove, cabbage rolls. Fans, lots of fans. Wooden matchsticks for traditionalists.

In the loftier neighbourhoods os Silicon Valley, the true mark of a successful lactose intolerant millennial is a mansion with a Toot Suite for casual entertaining after the annual Beans 'n' Broccoli Festival Cruise.

by You rReal Name March 10, 2023

ass-ault

An efficient, simple word to replace the more complex "anal assault of a sexual nature" because, well, that is an unnecessarily complex, redundant phrase.

Bob feared his time in prison. He knew daily, even hourly ass-ault was on the menu for him in an "all you can eat" banquet sort of way, since he was new meat in the con-dom. He would come prepared. He would not lose this opportunity of a lifetime. He went on a rigorous training program of dealing with lawyers and duct cleaners, always bending over and taking one for the team. He knew how to fit it in anywhere. And he would not climax until his way had been had at least daily.

by You rReal Name July 9, 2020

auditorial

When someone realizes they can speak quicker than they can type and they post all their thoughts as audio clips. They continue to have strong feelings and argue many sides of popular issues, so we refer to the resulting tirades as an auditorial. Audio editorials.

I remember the day the world abandoned Twitter because it slowed them down in re-arranging the world around them, and switched overnight to the auditorial, which has the advantage of virtual reality recreation of actual arguments among famous people for historical purposes.

by You rReal Name November 28, 2020

Sleight-of-mouth

The art of oral distraction, the verbal skills needed to "Alter-nate" truth into pure fiction. aka "The Con-way" or "Conwayfying", aka "the long gone con", aka "the blonde-con"

Kellyanne truly masters the time honoured sleight-of-mouth necessary to magically mould fact into fiction, and shall inherit the earth, because thou shalt have no falsettos before her.

by You rReal Name August 16, 2020