Definitions by Whirlysplat

SHART EWS (Early Warning System)

The body’s way of communicating a change in sensation that discriminates between semi-solids and gas in the colon. Combined with the anal proximity alert system it is your underwear's last line of defense.

Her pupils dilated as her SHART EWS (Early Warning System) went into full klaxon mode- eyes desperately scanning the horizon for the nearest portapotty.

SHART EWS (Early Warning System) by Whirlysplat October 24, 2026

Swan Lake

You think you are about to push out a satisfying high grade fart when your SHART EWS (early warning system) kicks in at the last microsecond and your sweaty bum cheeks slap shut at the last possible moment. With your entire posterior muscle chain locked up in rigor mortis you have to pirouette on your locked-together legs all the way to the bog in order to avoid disaster. You resemble a very bad ballet dancer crossing the stage on your journey.

That Friday night Vindaloo almost got a wet launch- I had to SWAN LAKE it past the whole legal department to the first floor bog. I promptly launched a proper whirly splat thereafter.

Swan Lake by Whirlysplat October 24, 2026