Arsehole of Cyclists

The collective noun for Lycra clad cyclists that herd together on the road blocking traffic and acting like their shit doesn’t stink.

I’m sorry I was late to the meeting, I got stuck behind an arsehole of cyclists that held traffic up for 8 miles.

by Pork Almighty August 25, 2019

The Evergood

To get ones ever-good vessel wedged in a willing participants sewage canal.

Named for the Ever Given cargo ship that got stuck in the Suez Canal.

Blodwen was on the rag last week but she still let me give her the Evergood treatment.

by Pork Almighty March 31, 2021

Mormon high five

Secretly jerking someone off in public. Keeping it low key cause being high is for sinners.

The church service was so boring that I gave elder Simon a Mormon high five under a bible to keep things interesting.

by Pork Almighty September 13, 2019

Behind the mirror

Closeted homosexual. One who is in the closet behind a mirrored door.

“Has ‘so and so’ got a girlfriend yet?” “Naa, he’s still doing his hair behind the mirror, but I’m sure he’ll come out soon”

by Pork Almighty October 30, 2018

Early onset necrophilia

When the elderly have sex, pushing apart a grilled cheese sandwich with a loose sausage you found in the back of the freezer.

I walked into great aunt Bessie's room and her and uncle Boris were going at it, 19 to the dozen. The doctor said it's 'early onset necrophilia' and prescribed me some eye bleach.

by Pork Almighty April 09, 2016

Piping bag

A big fat lady who squeezed into a pair of leggings so her legs look like piping bags full of frosting

Look at that piping bag over there. If she clenches too hard there’s gonna be frosting everywhere!

by Pork Almighty August 25, 2019

Grandma's Bicycle

A wheelchair

Go get grandma's bicycle out so we can take her up the shops

by Pork Almighty June 20, 2019