Definitions by NLHASP

Alpena 

A small town in North-Eastern Michigan known for fat ugly women and young attractive men with mullets named Nick Lee.

A place to go if you want to visit the closest place to Hell.

Cop: Now what are we going to do with you?

Arrested Man: Fuck Yo Couch Nigga

Cop: Im taking you where no man has a chance to live or leave.

Arrested Man: Aw Hell Naw Not Alpena.

Alpena by NLHASP March 26, 2011