MayorStreet's definitions

philadelphia

Where there are more murders than days in the year. Where the people are as friendly as a pack of jackals. Where cultural illiteracy meets a love of guns and scrapple. Philadelphia is a beautiful town of 1.5 million people who are dying to get out, literally. This gorgeous town is surrounded by suburbs full of people who love Philadelphia so much they pretend it is the best place on earth to out of towners and secretly, never, ever go downtown. Philadelphia is the birthplace of freedom - and the place that middle schools obligatorily send students too to learn about a much less violent past such as the revolutionary war. Philadelphia has a rich inventive history, for instance Electricity (Benjamin Franklin) and murdering 14 year old bicyclists (Phil from the southwest- go gangstah! GO!). Ah Philadelphia - smell the cordite, hate, and future depravity! Philadelphia, "America's Next Great City"* (out of order since 1776).

"Philadelphia, I love cheese steaks wit and double murder please"
"Rocky says we're great... what do you mean Rocky isn't real?"
"Recycling... who needs it"
"Welcome to Philadelphia, can I interest you in an order of being shot to death?"
"Philadelphia! America's Next Great City! Right after New York, Chicago, LA, San Franciso, Cleveland, Milwaukee, Oakland, Detroit, Houston, Oklahoma City, Lagos, Baghdad, Beijing, and Scotts base camp in the antarctic"
"Sauron visited Holmesburg and shat his pants"

by MayorStreet January 9, 2009