Lancaster's Second Finest's definitions

Siagra

Weapons-grade Viagra, specifically designed for Simons suffering from crippling impotence.

Having discovered Siagra, Simon was finally able to put away the lollipop stick and elastic band.

Simon: "Oh, it's not happening...I'm sorry love, it must be the drink."
Woman: "Have you considered taking Siagra?"

by Lancaster's Second Finest August 21, 2017

Sludge Cannon

A human being who, often due to an excessively chilli-heavy diet, has not produced a solid stool in years.

Simon, a notable Sludge Cannon, is barred from every public lavatory in the north of England.

"Mummy, does Uncle Simon wear plastic underwear because he's a sludge cannon?"
"No, dear, it's because he's a massive pervert."

by Lancaster's Second Finest June 12, 2016

Universal Duffrage

The right of any woman to own as many cats as she bloody wants, no matter how much her long-suffering man bitch might object.

I have to get up at 5am every day to amuse 22 loud moggies, while she stays in bed snoring. Bloody universal Duffrage.

by Lancaster's Second Finest July 17, 2015

Sludge Bannon

Very much like a sludge cannon, only with the endless torrent of molten shite pouring forth from the mouth, rather than the anus

The average Sludge Bannon will last six to eight months in a political administration before Donald Trump fires him for not being quite racist enough.

by Lancaster's Second Finest August 21, 2017

Brumgrapes

Haemorrhoids, but in Birmingham.

While Simon’s piles were clearly the size of Birmingham, this did not make them actual Brumgrapes.

Brummie: “Cowin’ ‘ell, me bumgrapes are worse than Aston Villa’s defence.”
Accredited General Practitioner: “Then I fear you may have Brumgrapes.”

by Lancaster's Second Finest February 12, 2025