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Lancaster's Second Finest's definitions

Mortlocking It

Having no concept of time, or the corollary matter of punctuality, whatsoever.
Everyone else was there at 7pm, but I mortlocked it and rolled up at 9.30.

Simon is known for mortlocking it when distracted by well-built Russian sailors.

The baby mortlocked it, so had to be induced.
by Lancaster's Second Finest February 1, 2014
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Did a Clemmo.

Neglected to eat before a heavy drinking session, with devastating consequences.
Chantelle was really looking forward to her reunion at the hairdressers college, but was in a hurry and did a Clemmo. The upshot was that she was in bed by 9pm.

Chad thought the evening would be much cheaper if he did a Clemmo. In the event, he just ended up in police custody.
by Lancaster's Second Finest February 15, 2014
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Shelleying

Next-level skiving. Raising avoidance of the workplace to an art form.
When I woke up today, the heating was nearly half a degree out of whack, so I obviously had to some Shelleying. I told my boss I had hypothermia and was in the spa by 9.30.

A sustained campaign of Shelleying had enabled Simon to write his first novel, a six hundred page meditation on one man’s struggle with devastating haemorrhoids.

Person 1: “Man, I’ve not been in to work on a Friday for 15 years. I tell them I’m working from home, but I’ve totally cracked out the gin by mid-morning.”
Person 2: “Dude, that is some epic Shelleying.”
by Lancaster's Second Finest March 15, 2019
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McDonaldism

The dissonant male-specific mental state of being both (a) distressed at having gone bald, but also (b) delighted that you've gone bald because you were previously ginger. A chronic form of the classically ephemeral cognitive dissonance, McDonaldism affects around 2% of men worldwide, and 73% of men in Scotland.
See that 40 year old guy who's trying to have sexual intercourse with age-inappropriate, attached women? He's only behaving that way because he has McDonaldism.
by Lancaster's Second Finest August 15, 2011
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Forstering About

Extreme procrastination when a social appointment is looming, a process that often results in Mortlocking it.
The party was at 9pm, but I was Forstering about with Facebook and finally got in the shower at 8.55.

Simon had been Forstering about and home with some quackish treatments for McDonaldism and, by the time he actually got to the docks, all the best sailors had been taken. As such, he ended up having to go home with Vladimir One-Bollock, who also has syphilis. That'll teach him.
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