Lancaster's Second Finest's definitions

Mortlocking It

Having no concept of time, or the corollary matter of punctuality, whatsoever.

Everyone else was there at 7pm, but I mortlocked it and rolled up at 9.30.

Simon is known for mortlocking it when distracted by well-built Russian sailors.

The baby mortlocked it, so had to be induced.

by Lancaster's Second Finest February 1, 2014

Ryaned It

Poured a pint of fine British ale REALLY badly.

I was really looking forward to my pint of Tubthumper's Old Gutrot, but the barman Ryaned it, and it ended up looking like water from the swamp.

by Lancaster's Second Finest February 14, 2014

Telecoprolism

The statistically anomalous tendency for the telephone to ring while you are having a shit. Extensive studies have shown that the phone of any individual has, at any given time, a 500% higher chance of ringing while its owner is evacuating his/her bowels than during other common everyday tasks such as masturbation, hoovering and chimping. Some schools of thought consider telecoprolism to be a subset of the Sod's Law principle. The others don't really consider such issues to be a worthy use of academic time and resources.

I was just settling down for my morning log and got telecoprolised by the bank again. Bloody telecoprolism, eh?

by Lancaster's Second Finest August 15, 2011

Did a Clemmo.

Neglected to eat before a heavy drinking session, with devastating consequences.

Chantelle was really looking forward to her reunion at the hairdressers college, but was in a hurry and did a Clemmo. The upshot was that she was in bed by 9pm.

Chad thought the evening would be much cheaper if he did a Clemmo. In the event, he just ended up in police custody.

by Lancaster's Second Finest February 15, 2014

Sludge Bannon

Very much like a sludge cannon, only with the endless torrent of molten shite pouring forth from the mouth, rather than the anus

The average Sludge Bannon will last six to eight months in a political administration before Donald Trump fires him for not being quite racist enough.

by Lancaster's Second Finest August 21, 2017