1 definition by FLANDERSFUCKEDMYASSHOLE

Gru

An alpha male with the LARGEST cock ever seen. He looms over humanity at 14' tall. Using the ratio of height:hand size, we can calculate Gru's penis size. The average hand length of a 6'1 man from the wrist to the end of the middle finger is 7.75 cm. Gru's height is 14', 8 feet 11 inches taller than an average male. We can assume that Gru's hand length is a little more than double in size, at least 15 cm. So, in that case, Gru is the most powerful being in the universe, and here’s why: according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Second if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you Know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodge them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That’s equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case.

Girl 1: "Who is that hunk of a man over there?"
Girl 2: "Why, that there Susan, is a Gru!"
Girl 1: "What's a Gru?"
Girl 2: "Well, basically all I can say is he's going to rearrange your organs in the bedroom."

by FLANDERSFUCKEDMYASSHOLE March 25, 2020