1 definition by Die Soccer Moms

Top Definition
Fat ass middle-age bitch whose whole life revolves around her children. Drives a mini-van or large SUV due to multiple children. Usually puts stickers on the back car window saying things such as, "Ashley #10 Soccer." Their day consists of:
-Wake up & pack lunches for kids (No sweets, pop, or anything unhealthy)
-Make sure the kids eat a nutritional breakfast
-Review the kids outfits
-Drive them to school
-Pick them up from school
-Take ___ to soccer, ___ to ballet, and ___ to bible study.
-Pick all the kids up and get them all happy meals from McDonald's.
-Tells kids to start getting ready for bed, because it is already 7 PM
-Has very unpleasant sex with their apathetic husbands once kids are fast asleep

Commonly enjoys wearing knit sweaters with high water jeans. Usually have cheesy knick-knacks in their home, such as plates hung on the wall that say things like, "Hope" "Faith" "Believe" etc. Their children are extremely shielded from the real world, not being allowed to watch anything with bad language or sexual references. Can only watch PG-13 movies once they actually turn 13. Must be approved by the soccer mom first. Can't buy music, watch TV, hang out with friends, or anything without approval from their soccer mom first. They install V-Chips and/or parental controls on 3/4 of the TV channels. This leaves educational channels, which they usually end up blocking because of real life content. Ex. The History Channel, The Animal Planet. Usually pushes their hopes and dreams on their kids and forces them to follow them, which ends up failing epically. Their kids are so sheltered and forced to give up their individuality, which results in corruption. Their "perfect little angels" are usually hoes, sluts, bitches, potheads, drug users, drunks, or just all around bad kids behind their back. Heavy denial is involved at this point. Soccer moms are strictly christian, anything that doesn't have to do with it is the "devil's work." Soccer moms are constantly seen glaring at teenagers who curse or are "rowdy" in any sort of way. Tries to tell teens, who are complete strangers, what they can and can't do.
Teen: *picks up an R rated movie*

Soccer mom: *death glare* That movie is full of gore, you aren't old enough to watch it. Put in back, NAO.

Teen: Fuck off fat-ass bitch.

Soccer mom: *goes to the store manager to complain*

Nothing happens because the store manager is fed up with frumpy fat ass soccer moms who complain every two fucking seconds.

by Die Soccer Moms March 13, 2009
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