Bionic Scout's definitions
Alan (noun):
1. The rare breed of husband who is equal parts best friend, partner in crime, personal hero, and expert eye-roller. Known for tolerating ridiculous amounts of nonsense, fetching cups of tea without complaint (mostly), and having the patience of a saint. Warning: once you get an Alan, you’ll never want to trade him in.
2. A mysterious creature who can simultaneously be your soulmate and the reason you want to scream into a pillow. Special skills include selective hearing, telling dad jokes at the worst possible moment, and doing that “husband sigh” for dramatic effect. Still, you wouldn’t swap him… unless Jason Momoa was available.
3. The ultimate plot twist in life’s story — part best friend, part lover, part comedy act. Always there to hold your hand when things get tough, and usually the reason you’ve got butterflies in your stomach 20+ years later. May also come with a side of snoring and duvet-hogging. Also doubles up as the best dad your kid could ever hope for.
WARNING LABEL: May cause uncontrollable laughter, random butterflies in your stomach, epic dad moments, unexpected dog-cuddle theft, and the occasional need to evacuate a room.
1. The rare breed of husband who is equal parts best friend, partner in crime, personal hero, and expert eye-roller. Known for tolerating ridiculous amounts of nonsense, fetching cups of tea without complaint (mostly), and having the patience of a saint. Warning: once you get an Alan, you’ll never want to trade him in.
2. A mysterious creature who can simultaneously be your soulmate and the reason you want to scream into a pillow. Special skills include selective hearing, telling dad jokes at the worst possible moment, and doing that “husband sigh” for dramatic effect. Still, you wouldn’t swap him… unless Jason Momoa was available.
3. The ultimate plot twist in life’s story — part best friend, part lover, part comedy act. Always there to hold your hand when things get tough, and usually the reason you’ve got butterflies in your stomach 20+ years later. May also come with a side of snoring and duvet-hogging. Also doubles up as the best dad your kid could ever hope for.
WARNING LABEL: May cause uncontrollable laughter, random butterflies in your stomach, epic dad moments, unexpected dog-cuddle theft, and the occasional need to evacuate a room.
• “Stop being dramatic and get yourself an Alan — mine just carried all the shopping, fixed the WiFi, and still had time to laugh at my worst joke.”
• “ Ugh, my Alan just stole cuddles from the dog and then let out a fart so powerful it cleared the living room — but he still had me laughing.”
• “Everyone needs an Alan — he’s the reason I believe in happily ever after (even when he snores loud enough to wake the neighbours).”
• “ Ugh, my Alan just stole cuddles from the dog and then let out a fart so powerful it cleared the living room — but he still had me laughing.”
• “Everyone needs an Alan — he’s the reason I believe in happily ever after (even when he snores loud enough to wake the neighbours).”
by Bionic Scout September 11, 2025
Get the Alanmug.