3 definitions by ???s upon ???s
The worst pet ever. They steal stuff and hide it. They chew the buttons off remote controls. They're impossible to litter train so they shit and piss wherever they want, including right in the middle of the floor for you to step in. If they're in their cage and want out they bite the bars and make tons of noise so you have to flick them in the head to make them shut the fuck up. Then they make this horrible squealing noise when you flick them. They're crepuscular, which means they wake up at 4 am and get into shit and make noise and wake me up. They smell like something thats been dead for two years unless you get them descented and then they smell like something thats been dead for two weeks. They take a shit every twenty minutes that smells disgusting. Dont buy a ferret whatever you do they suck major balls.
Guy who wants a ferret: I want to buy a ferret what do you think?
Me: Goddamn dude I have two of them and I cant wait until they die. You can have mine
Me: Goddamn dude I have two of them and I cant wait until they die. You can have mine
by ???s upon ???s April 1, 2010
A mentally ill "politician" who doesn't understand why we've been in Korea for the last 50 years. Someone who FOX News hired as a political commentator that cant comment on politics unless it involves abortion, gay marriage, stem cells, terrorists or other dumb shit that gets the religious nuts all riled up. If her and McCain had won she would be a heartbeat away from being the leader of the free world because everyone knows McCains' old ass is about to keel over any minute. She does have one thing going for her though. Even though she's forty-something and has shit out four or five kids, she still looks really sexy.
Guy #1: Sarah Palin is useless.
Guy #2: No she's good for one thing. You can stick your penis in her mouth and shut her up. Teach her a lesson
Guy #2: No she's good for one thing. You can stick your penis in her mouth and shut her up. Teach her a lesson
by ???s upon ???s April 1, 2010
Someone who can maintain an orderly, outward social appearance while their personal life has devolved into complete chaos due to over-drinking. Their friends and family are often impressed with their achievements, while the alcoholic knows that their drinking has lead to a full-blown loss of control and that it is just a matter of time until their behavior blows up in their face. In a bad way.
Emelio's friends/family: " Emelio is about to graduate med school. We are so proud. We only wish we could accomplish as much".
Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.
Emelio: "I am a functional alcoholic. Everyone I know thinks I'm doing great but in reality my brain has turned to slush. I can't believe I BS'd my way through med school and got a 3.8 GP because I don't remember any of it. I can't believe I'm almost 30 and have somehow avoided getting a DUI thus far. Everyone thinks I'm so great, but in reality, I'm totally fucking dangerous but I just haven't been caught yet. It's all catching up with me though. It's only a matter of time until I do something really stupid and everyone will realize what a fuck-up I truly am.
by ???s upon ???s September 1, 2016