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Definitions by "I AM THE ONE WHO POOKS!"

Golden Retriever 

"I was staring at this jogger's Golden Retriever and she called me a pig." - Tim

Illegitimate Rape

Illegitimate Rape, as defined by the Republican Party, is rape in which 2 consenting adults role play a rape fantasy involving the woman being vigorously tortured by the other party usually ending in what scientists are calling "The Money Shot".
"Ohhh no no no don't worry. Why? Because it was Illegitimate Rape this time."

Legitimate Rape 

Legitimate Rape, as defined by the Republican Party, is rape in which upon penis having entry into the vagina, a mutated tiger shark with a laser beam attached to its head jumps out of the vulva and viciously attacks the male genitalia.
"If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to shut the whole thing down." - Todd Akin