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visual basic programmer 

someone who *thinks* they know how to program, but in reality is pretty average... almost always don't really understand the inner workings of a computer... they get scared by things like call stacks, registers, pointers, assembly, or anything that has to do with the guts of a computers...

also, they are generally not smart enough to do embedded development...
embedded developer: i just hacked the can bus in my car... used a philips tja1050 transceiver, paired it up to a mcf5485 coldfire, developed the logger and gauge renderer in C (gasp!) using codewarrior and spat the image data out to the tft in my car to have virtual gauges on everything!

what have you developed lately?

visual basic programmer: an ftp server...

embedded developer: oh... cool...
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visual basic 

A complete waste of time that ruins your life
Programmer1: Hey, why are you using visual basic
Programmer2: Because i'm a mindless zombie and Bill Gates is my master. NEVER QUESTION BILL!!!!
*Programmer 2 stuffs computer down Programmer 1's throat*

Visual Basic 

A proprietary programming language developed by Microsoft to allow lazy people to code programs that only run a little bit more slowly than raytracing a detailed environment on a hand-operated processor.
C++ Programmer: Hey man! What are you programming?
Visual Basic Programmmer: I'm writing something to find all the music tracks on my computer and write their file paths into an m3u playlist.
C++ Programmer: Wow! How long have you been working on that?? It sounds really intense!
Visual Basic Programmer: 10 minutes.. and I'll be done in another 5.
Perl Programmer: *walks in* Hey guys, look at this! I wrote a script to find all the music tracks on my computer and write them to an m3u playlist in a little bit less than 90 seconds!
Visual Basic by Daedalus_Prime February 6, 2008

Visual Basic master edition 

Visual Basic 6. Used on forums to confuse stupid noobs, and have them search forever for it.
OP: "For this program I used Visual Basic master edition."
Bitch: "Cool, I have Visual Basic 6 but where you find master edition?"

Visual Basic 

A programming language for morons, and people that are too stupid to learn real programming languages.

It is commonly taught in schools and colleges, so retards can understand it and become "leet".
Him: Man, i'm cool because I know Visual Basic.
Me: No, you're not.

Visual Basic 

A powerful RAD (rapid application development) progamming language that allows for easy creation of windows programs. Its main flaw is the fact that micro$hit made it, and therefore under their monopoly, it only runs on windows. Another complaint is about the way many new users use the language. They just paste a couple of objects on a form, user a few undeclared variables (variants, which are slow), and run the program. A real program creates objects at runtime and user delared variables at all times (forced by Option Explicit.) Other than that, it is a good language. It is easy enough to learn for beginners (unlike other languages such as java/C++) and powerful enough to perform complicated calculations and make windows-based programs and games with readable code.
'This is a sample VB program
'It finds the prime factors of any number the user specifies
'Declare Objects
Dim WithEvents txtNumber As TextBox
Dim WithEvents lblPrime As Label
Dim WithEvents cmdFactor As CommandButton

Private Sub cmdFactor_Click()
Dim counter&, answer$, number&
'Check to make sure user entered a valid number
If Not IsNumeric(txtNumber) Then Exit Sub
If Len(txtNumber) = 0 Or txtNumber > 2000000000 Or Sgn(txtNumber) = -1 Then Exit Sub
'Create variable = to what user entered.
number = txtNumber
'factor out 2's
Do While number Mod 2 = 0
number = number / 2
answer = answer & " * 2"
Loop
'factor out other numbers
For counter = 3 To number Step 2
Do While number Mod counter = 0
'exit when primes are exhausted
If number = 1 Then Exit Do
number = number / counter
answer = answer & " * " & counter
Loop
Next counter
'results
MsgBox Right$(answer, Len(answer) - 3), 15, "The Prime Factors of " & txtNumber & " are..."
'gives the textbox focus
txtNumber.SetFocus
End Sub

Private Sub Form_KeyDown(KeyCode%, Shift%)
'pressing escape exits the program
If KeyCode = 27 Then Unload Me
End Sub

Private Sub Form_Load()
'set up form
With Me
.KeyPreview = True
.Move (Screen.Width - .Width) \ 2, (Screen.Height - .Width) \ 2
End With
Set txtNumber = Controls.Add("VB.TextBox", "txtNumber")
With txtNumber
.Move (Me.Width - .Width) \ 2, (Me.Height - .Width) \ 2
.Visible = True
End With
Set lblPrime = Controls.Add("VB.Label", "lblPrime")
With lblPrime
.Caption = "Find Prime Factors Of What Number?"
.Move txtNumber.Left, txtNumber.Top - 800, .Width, .Height + 400
.Visible = True
End With
Set cmdFactor = Controls.Add("VB.CommandButton", "cmdFactor")
With cmdFactor
.Caption = "Factor"
.Default = True
.Move txtNumber.Left, txtNumber.Top + 800
.Visible = True
End With
End Sub

Private Sub Form_Terminate()
'clean up
Dim clrObject As Object
For Each clrObject In Me
clrObject = ""
Next clrObject
End
End Sub

visual basic 

A programming language and development environment that object oriented programmers think they are above.

While a windows program with a graphical user interface in C++ may take months in terms of laying the groundwork and API necessary to perform certain functions, the Visual Basic equivalent could take ten minutes.
C++ Programmer: Hey man! What are you programming?
Visual Basic Programmmer: I'm writing something to find all the music tracks on my computer and write their file paths into an m3u playlist.
C++ Programmer: Wow! How long have you been working on that?? It sounds really intense!
Visual Basic Programmer: 10 minutes.. and I'll be done in another 5.

C++ Programmer: Dude, if you were l33t like me, you would be programming in C++.
Visual Basic: Really? Right now I'm writing an FTP Server! What was the last thing you programmed?
C++ Programmer: Um, I wrote tic tac toe..
Visual Basic Programmer: Really? For Windows? That's pretty cool.
C++ Programmer: Actually its for the console.

Java Programmer: Dude, portability is where its at. Your sleasy Visual Basic program is only good on a Micro$hit computer.
Visual Basic Programmer: Yea well.. When was the last time you compiled a java app for a non Windows machine?
Java Programmer: Actually never.

Computer Science College Student who only learned C++: I have never programmed anything useful in my life. I yearn to be one of 3,000 programming a single function working on Microsoft's Windows 2020.
visual basic by The KMan April 24, 2007