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1.
1. Soul. As defined by Scientology. Derived from the greek letter theta for thought or life or the spirit.
2. Thetans are needed to animate a flesh body.
3. According to Scientology you are full of "body thetans" - degraded thetans who were once people but are now clustered together along with you and inhabit your body along with you. You are the leader of these thetans.

75 million years ago there was supposedly a ruler of this part of the galaxy named Xenu. To cure overpopulation on all the planets he controlled he summoned the people with psychiatric conditions in for an income tax audit. There they were instead paralyzed by injection of an alcohol and glycol mixture into their lungs. They were packed up in refridgerated units and loaded onto space-craft and taken to Earth (called Teegeeack then) and packed around the bases of a few volcanos.

Then their bodies were all destroyed by nuclear explosions. After this the thetans who were flying around in the winds were caught in electronic beams and frozen together in blocks. Then they were taken to huge 3-D cinemas and shown forms of what life should be like on Earth. After that they supposedly clustered together with a lead thetan in charge and they ended up inhabiting bodies in these clusters. Hence although we are a single thetan we supposedly have about 2,500 other lesser "body thetans" attached to our own thetan self.

The dysharmonious relationship between you and your thetans is what causes all sickness and disease in the world.

If you join Scientology, and pay thousands of dollars, you can go through the process of freeing yourself from these body thetans at huge monetary expense.
I know why I have cancer! My thetans are flaring up again. Better fork over some cash to the Scientology folks so that I can be rid of this disease and my entire life inheritance.
by The Troll July 17, 2005
 
2.
1. Soul. As defined by Scientology. Derived from the greek letter theta for thought or life or the spirit.

2. Thetans are needed to animate a flesh body.

3. According to Scientology you are full of "body thetans" - degraded thetans who were once people but are now clustered together along with you and inhabit your body along with you. You are the leader of these thetans.

75 million years ago there was supposedly a ruler of this part of the galaxy named Xenu. To cure overpopulation on all the planets he controlled he summoned the people with psychiatric conditions in for an income tax audit. There they were instead paralyzed by injection of an alcohol and glycol mixture into their lungs. They were packed up in refridgerated units and loaded onto space-craft and taken to Earth (called Teegeeack then) and packed around the bases of a few volcanos.

Then their bodies were all destroyed by nuclear explosions. After this the thetans who were flying around in the winds were caught in electronic beams and frozen together in blocks. Then they were taken to huge 3-D cinemas and shown forms of what life should be like on Earth. After that they supposedly clustered together with a lead thetan in charge and they ended up inhabiting bodies in these clusters. Hence although we are a single thetan we supposedly have about 2,500 other lesser "body thetans" attached to our own thetan self.

The dysharmonious relationship between you and your thetans is what causes all sickness and disease in the world.

If you join Scientology, and pay thousands of dollars, you too can go through the process of freeing yourself from these body thetans at huge monetary expense.
I know why I have cancer!! My thetans are flaring up again. Better fork over some cash to the Scientology folks so that I can be rid of this disease and my entire life inheritance all at the same time.
by The Troll July 17, 2005
 
3.
a "Thetan" is the Church of Scientology's name for the human spirit. Like many of the worlds religions Scientologists believe the human spirit or thetan to be immortal. The primary attributes of the thetan are awareness and intention. A thetan is a pure static - that is, the thetan does not occupy a fixed position in space or time except by its own consideration.

By themselves thetans do not have nor need bodies. Instead, Scientologists believe that certain thetans have been tricked, trapped, implanted, or otherwise chose to inhabit bodies. These thetans have since then become addicted to reincarnating in bodies and cannot recall previous lives without help. This has also been suggested in other spiritual traditions such as those of Ancient Egypt and Tibetan Buddhism, each of which document the between lives area in their respective "Book of the Dead."

Since thetans are immortal, Scientology's conception of cosmic history stretches back for quadrillions of years.

The ostensible "xemu" story, often quoted in an attempt to belittle scientologists for the seemingly science-fiction and space-opera nature of their beliefs, is only one suppressive event in the 8 quadrillion cosmic year history acknowledged by Scientology.

Scientologists acknowledge that thetans are capable of being affected by electronics and by other thetans, even before their descent into bodies, with embodied thetans being much more susceptible to implantation of hypnotic suggestions by electronic means.
Spot the thetan in the incident. Spot yourself spotting the thetan.

Jill went external and blanketed the thetan of the CEO's son and left a little bit of her theta stuck to his body. Now Jill tunes in on that little piece whenever she wants and can monitor whatever he does. She's been trying to get him to have an affair with one of the polish cleaning ladies to embarass and discredit him in the eyes of his wife and his father.
by aesthetic randomity July 06, 2010
 
4.
A Mancunian superhero. Equipped with the powers of flying, mind reading and lazer vision, this dude from Up North is everything you could ever want in a lad of 5 ft. He rocks my world.
Is it a bird...is it a plane...no...its..THE TAN!
by Livie April 07, 2005