Central Intelligence Agency. While the FBI handles domestic affairs and the ATF burns people in Waco, the CIA works overseas. Their job is similar to KGB, MI6, NSA, and Mossad.
But unlike Mossad, the CIA is one of the most fuckup-prone "intelligence" agency seems to be unable to handle anything without a huge fucking mess.
Story # 1: Iran and the Shah
The nation of Iran after world war 2 was doing fine. There was a moderate, elected president running the country. There was money. There was peace. But he was officialy a socialist according to the CIA so we went and overthrew him for a dictator called the shah. This of course pissed the Iranians off, and in the 80's the Ayatollah started a radical islamic revolution, took our embassy hostage for a year, and America's crisis in the middle east had officialy started.
Story #2: The Bay of Pigs
Fidel Castro is a communist. The CIA doesn't like commies in their 'hood, so the best course of action seemed to be training about 1000 Cuban boat people who fled Cuba after having supported Castro's enemy, arm them, and plan to send them over on ancient battleships dating back to 1940, with some tiny air support, and have them conquer a nation of 20 million that had mostly given Castro's revolution popular support. So one fine day, in a D-Day reenactment that would give any WW2 vet a heart attack, this imposing force stormed the beaches at this place called "Bay of Pigs." The few US airplanes supporting the assault got shot down, one of the boats sank, and the rest of the soldiers made it ashore and held out for a while before one of the worst mass surenders in us military history
Following this were many attempts to kill Fidel with exploding cigars (the cigars were noticed to be strangely heavy), a poisoned scubadiving suit (did nothing at all), spear-gun him while he was swimming (the spear-gunner drowned), stab him with a poisonous pen (the guy doing this turned out to be KGB), etc. Castro has survived for 40 years since, outliving 5 US presidents and Che.
Story #3: Nicaragua
What do you think when you hear the word "nun?" If you're thinking "Danger, must destroy" you'd make a good CIA agent. In Nicaragua during the 80's Contras(our guys) were fighting the Sandinistas(their guys), there was an order of Nuns that went around in war-torn Sandinista villages trying to help restore something resembling order. They couldn't go to the Contra villages, you see, because the Sandinistas controlled the country. But no matter, nothing wins the hearts and minds of the people like a group of US-equipped thugs kidnapping/shooting/raping nuns. Another little episode was the murder of Bishop Oscar Romero while he was saying mass on Easter morning in the cathedral in front of his entire congregation.
Story # 4: Panama
The dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, was a CIA agent and smalltime drug dealer. Long story made short: We come after him, they kill some of us, we kill some of them, and our disgraced agent is busted.
Story # 5: Operation Iraqi Freedom
Without a doubt the BIGGEST fuckup since
Story # 6: The Vietnam War
But unlike Mossad, the CIA is one of the most fuckup-prone "intelligence" agency seems to be unable to handle anything without a huge fucking mess.
Story # 1: Iran and the Shah
The nation of Iran after world war 2 was doing fine. There was a moderate, elected president running the country. There was money. There was peace. But he was officialy a socialist according to the CIA so we went and overthrew him for a dictator called the shah. This of course pissed the Iranians off, and in the 80's the Ayatollah started a radical islamic revolution, took our embassy hostage for a year, and America's crisis in the middle east had officialy started.
Story #2: The Bay of Pigs
Fidel Castro is a communist. The CIA doesn't like commies in their 'hood, so the best course of action seemed to be training about 1000 Cuban boat people who fled Cuba after having supported Castro's enemy, arm them, and plan to send them over on ancient battleships dating back to 1940, with some tiny air support, and have them conquer a nation of 20 million that had mostly given Castro's revolution popular support. So one fine day, in a D-Day reenactment that would give any WW2 vet a heart attack, this imposing force stormed the beaches at this place called "Bay of Pigs." The few US airplanes supporting the assault got shot down, one of the boats sank, and the rest of the soldiers made it ashore and held out for a while before one of the worst mass surenders in us military history
Following this were many attempts to kill Fidel with exploding cigars (the cigars were noticed to be strangely heavy), a poisoned scubadiving suit (did nothing at all), spear-gun him while he was swimming (the spear-gunner drowned), stab him with a poisonous pen (the guy doing this turned out to be KGB), etc. Castro has survived for 40 years since, outliving 5 US presidents and Che.
Story #3: Nicaragua
What do you think when you hear the word "nun?" If you're thinking "Danger, must destroy" you'd make a good CIA agent. In Nicaragua during the 80's Contras(our guys) were fighting the Sandinistas(their guys), there was an order of Nuns that went around in war-torn Sandinista villages trying to help restore something resembling order. They couldn't go to the Contra villages, you see, because the Sandinistas controlled the country. But no matter, nothing wins the hearts and minds of the people like a group of US-equipped thugs kidnapping/shooting/raping nuns. Another little episode was the murder of Bishop Oscar Romero while he was saying mass on Easter morning in the cathedral in front of his entire congregation.
Story # 4: Panama
The dictator of Panama, Manuel Noriega, was a CIA agent and smalltime drug dealer. Long story made short: We come after him, they kill some of us, we kill some of them, and our disgraced agent is busted.
Story # 5: Operation Iraqi Freedom
Without a doubt the BIGGEST fuckup since
Story # 6: The Vietnam War
The CIA is actively working to protect you from nuns and bishops and far away countries you didn't know existed with scary names day and night.
The second worst federal agency after fema.
The second worst federal agency after fema.
by king of canada August 5, 2006
The Central Intelligence Agency of the United States, formed in 1947 to conduct foreign intelligence collection, covert action, and counterintelligence operations abroad.
by Dancing with Fire September 3, 2012
(Central Intelligence Agency). An organization designed to report international secrets, foreign time bombs, counterespionage and covert operations (here and overseas). Many suspect they are involved in clandestine conspiraces ranging from UFO's to 9/11. (Who's to know? Tenet'll tell you.) They are often thought of as akin to the FBI; though they may have external differences, the CIA~FBI mission relationship does exist similarly regulation-wise with the purpose of national security.
An agent: a trenchcoat with a pocket watch. Usu. seen with manila folders, Italian-tailored shoes and tinted windowed cars. An example of the organization would be Britain's MI6, Israel's Mossad, Russia's FSB/Soviet's KGB.
by Smkngmgc June 14, 2004
The CIA has engineered more than thirty coup d'etats in the last fifty years against Third World nations.
by mr. communication November 3, 2006
by BushSux February 9, 2003
by ladiesushi April 14, 2018
Cia is a Beautiful woman who Has a body from a Goddess, great looks, and smile that will brighten up your mood. She is extremley nice and someone you would want to have as your friend. However, Cia is not one to mess with for she will beat the pure shit out of anyone that tries her.
by Black Reign July 24, 2019